Purple, the color between red and blue. Light purple or lavender is soothing both for the sense of sight and smell, where dark purple can be less appealing. Purple can signify power, and embody wealth. Purple can come in the form of a heart given to a hero; a soft flower; and a mean black eye or bruise. Being a part of the color red, which is a hot color, and then the calming blue makes purple very important. It is the place that can capture every bad and every good feeling, emotion, memory, fear, strength, defeat, and accomplishment. Today, I am harnessing my PURPLE!
My purple came through when I had a “moment” while on the treadmill. It took all I had to fight back tears, there was no way I could have a breakdown in a gym. I was not on an episode of the biggest loser!
Let’s rewind just a moment, prior to that workout I had stopped to purchase appropriate footwear. After trying on several pairs I ended up with purple shoes. Its been a very long time since I was into purple and I was a little worried they looked like kids shoes, but they fit so off to the gym I went.
I was set to push myself and see what I had in me. Armed with all the accessories I needed, water, ear buds, music, couch to 5K app, and my new shoes. I felt determined and as the warm up began, I even gave myself a little pep-talk.
The workout was going great! I was following the prompts on the app and I remained focused. I could feel myself getting to a point when I was going to have to dig my heels in and push through. I began to feel a little uneasy, it was harder to breathe and all of a sudden I felt transported back in time. I saw myself standing in front of a mirror and not liking the reflection. I had flashbacks of opening presents that contained fitness videos and meal replacement shakes. I was being asked to say “moo” rather than “cheese” while having my photo taken. My self-assurance was being depleted with each step. I wanted to slump off the machine and just call it a day. I was in the midst of a PTSD flashback.
During this time I was brought back to the last time I was working this hard and it was just before my divorce. I had participated in an infomercial. My goal was to get skinny for my husband, feel better for my family and improve my overall health. I accomplished more in a 12 week span that I ever thought I would. I ran, I hiked, I swam, I exercised through injuries and I succeeded. I was at the top of my game! I was fit, I felt powerful, and for the first time in my life I had confidence. Fast forward two weeks…my life is forever changed, my self-esteem tossed out the window, my confidence buried under a very heavy rock.
Mind you I’m re-living all of these memories and emotions in just a ten minute span. Alternating walking with running, trying not to cry and wondering where do I go from here? At this point is when I looked down and saw my purple shoes in motion, I knew I had to change my focus and I thought to myself, why in the world did I buy purple shoes?
I pumped up the music and decided to finish what I had started. Watching my purple shoes I felt excitement in knowing what I will feel like when I reach my end goal. I was reminded how I felt after I hiked the mountain. I needed to channel the feelings I had in that moment standing at the top looking down at where I had come from and realizing what that accomplishment meant to me. It’s a place I had been before, except this time I have a different motive, ME! I can only imagine how I will feel when I celebrate this triumph knowing that I am its end result.
During this process I will bring my red and blue together and I will delight in creating the purple within me. I will allow myself to be encouraged, spiritually nourished, motivated and fully engulfed by my new signature color! I will be PURPLE BRAVE!
Do you have a similar story of pushing yourself and wading through the mud on your journey? Please share.
Kimberly
Courageous Butterfly
8/27/16
Related topics/blogs
Purple, The Meanings of Purple
Safety and Grounding Techniques for PTSD
Flex Force, Infomercial
Out of the Chrysalis 