I was all set to call it a night, I leaned over to turn off the light and my body paused. I looked at the lamp and was reminded that I still carry pieces of my past with me. As I embark on yet another move, I am determined to let go of these items that have lingered in places where they really didn’t need to be.
Take for instance the lamp…which I made from a wine bottle…that was given to me by my ex. I have moved three times since my divorce and apparently this lamp has made the trip. Why is it still at my bedside?
I sat down at my vanity earlier today to begin to clean out the drawers and found an old wallet. I pulled out old business cards and in the middle I found a photo probably 15 years old or more of the two of us on a New Year’s Eve…why is this photo still in this wallet?
I shopped at the grocery store today and gave the cashier my phone number for my rewards card…she repeated the name and it is still registered under my married name, why?
I received mail this week that was addressed to Mr. and Mrs…. why? The company who sent it clearly knows that I am divorced.
I am in a place in my life where I am making positive changes, and for the first time I feel like they are changes that God wants me to make. Things are moving smoothly and in a positive direction. So then why am I getting all of these little reminders of my marriage?
It’s been five years and yet every time I make a literal move I find more mementos of our life together. I thought for sure I had done a formal cleanse but items still seem to surface. This move has to be it…I no longer want to find these items that carry so much weight. I like to think that I am at peace with my circumstance. Truthfully I am, until that moment that I’m not.
You can’t forget life and you can’t undo what’s been done. What you can do is learn, grow and survive. I know in the coming weeks as I continue to pack I will most likely stumble across more things that I thought I had let go of. I will put on my wings and FINALLY set the items free. Lightening the load will make it much easier for me to move both physically and emotionally.
Soon, I will return to the area where I grew up, without the restraints of where I have been. Fueled with the power given to me by my children, friendships, experiences, and all of my scars, I will be at peace. I will be ready for yet another transformation to become the best butterfly I can be! Fly with grace, confidence and hope.
Have you flown? Have you let it all go? Are you at peace? Please share in the comments.
Kimberly
Courageous Butterfly
5/12/16
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“Valentine’s day ugh”, is uttered frequently by singles on February 14th, aside from those who choose to embrace their inner selves which I have been known to do. I even took myself out on a date night. I figured why not, nobody knows me better. I have to say, I set the bar pretty high, and actually feel bad for future prospects who may feel the need to outdo my do!
So what can I do about that? Besides honoring those emotions and letting them move through me, there is one more important thing I can do…create a blank canvas on that memory. I can’t erase it, can’t make it go away but I can try and alter it a little in my mind. So the next time I close my eyes and that vision appears, the card will be blank and at that time I will begin to insert new words, pictures, and phrases. Continuing this until the day comes when I close my eyes and the Valentine is all mine. Filled with things that are important to me and signatures of those close to my heart.
Out of the Chrysalis 