Tag: pain

FEAR, a 4 letter word or a leap of faith?

Published on by Kimberly Novak10 Comments

I was stopped at a red light today and had the pleasure of watching a black bird dodging cars while trying to get to a bag full of crackers someone had tossed out into the road.   As I sat for that brief moment I thought “wow that takes guts!”  I watched the bird sitting patiently on the curbside waiting for each car to pass then it would leap out into the street only to be forced to retreat back to safety before reaching its goal.  Sound familiar?

I think we can all relate to being in that same situation.  Life get’s tough and when it does our natural instinct is to pull ourselves back to a place where we feel safe and secure.  The black bird was not giving up.  I was only able to watch for a few minutes but in that time the little gal/guy tried to reach those crackers at least 10 times.  I can probably bet that the goal was to reach the food on the first try, however it was not possible due to the many obstacles in its way.  Those obstacles did not seem to bother the bird in any way, and I know had I been able to continue to watch I would’ve seen it finally persevere.

Fear can be a very scary word and in most cases I would generally try to steer clear of anything that caused me to feel fearful.  I didn’t have that luxury when it came time to face what I was going through.  Divorce was hard enough but I was dealing with more than one fear during my trial.  Fear of  my new living arrangements, fear of moving forward, and fear of letting go of what I once had.  Every situation is different but for me I was not prepared or ready to say goodbye to that part of my life.  That is a scary feeling and is felt in any type of loss.  I was stuck and forced to face it all head on.  I had to realize that what I had been fearing for many years was actually true and it was happening.   What I didn’t know was how finally accepting that fear would make me stronger.  I use the word accepting rather than facing because it was a situation I could not control, it was part of my life and I had to accept it.  Just like the black bird had to accept the fact that its next meal was in that bag in the road and the only way to continue on with life was to finally get to it.   I had to live through my fears in order to become who I am today.

Facing a fear is a bit different.  For instance last year  I faced a few fears.  I went body surfing in the ocean and I cannot swim!  I zip lined in Hawaii and I”m afraid of heights and then I decided to snorkel  with real  fish, again in the ocean. I had a lot of fun doing those things but did they make me a stronger person?  Probably not but accepting my fears, living through them, and preserving is what made me stronger.   We can all be that little black bird and instead of worrying about facing our fears we can make the choice to accept them and grow stronger through them.

It’s been two years since I first accepted fear and I am proud to say that in doing so I have become a much stronger person.  I still have my moments of weakness but because I took that chance and let myself accept fear I know I can survive it.  Afterall, it’s just a silly 4 letter word.

I’m going to steal this quote from the movie New Year’s Eve.  ” What would YOU do today if you knew you were NOT going to fail? GO DO IT”.

Have you taken a Leap of Faith? Share your experience in the comment box.

Kimberly

Courageous Butterfly

5/3/12

Live in the Present Moment

Published on by Kimberly Novak4 Comments

Life is defined by a series of “moments” and we experience them in three different stages past, present and future.  Sometimes we get caught up in the day-to-day activities and stress of life and we are not living like we should be.  Especially in times of a struggle we tend to focus on what we did wrong in our past or try to focus on how our future is going to be changed.  I for one have been there and it is now that I”m realizing I should have taken more time in the present moment when I was going through that difficult time.  The brunt of my struggle took almost two years and during that long period of time I was focused on the past and the future and ignoring the present.

Past:  There are obviously some good times to re-live the past like when looking through photographs or going over memories with loved ones.  You need to be able to know the difference between re-living the past and living in the past.  If you are living in the past it can cause negative effects.  For example at one point I found myself going over things in my head wondering how had I missed the signs?  I spent countless hours over the past few years trying to figure out where things had gone wrong.  Guess what?  It didn’t change the outcome, it didn’t change the fact that I was going through what I was going through.  All it did was cause me more stress and grief.  I should have been paying more attention to the way I was feeling in the present moment and just maybe my healing would have been a little bit easier had I chose to face it as it was happening instead of dwelling on the past.

Future:  We all have plans for our future and looking forward to and planning for them is very healthy and will be very beneficial.  However, being in a present moment of struggle and focusing on the unknowing of the future is a totally different scenario.  Toward the end of my divorce is when I was stuck in this mode.  As the final date drew closer it became very scary and upsetting for me.  For starter’s I had never lived alone my entire life and living away from my family was something I truly did not think I would be able to handle.    As I look back tonight I wish I had chosen not to worry about the future so much, it is a work in progress but is turning out to be ok.

Present:  The little bit of research I did on this subject says that people who live in the present are the happiest and extremely successful people live in the present moment.    My opinion is that it is hard to live in the present moment, however it is worth it! It is something I constantly have to remind myself to do, but when I do I am very happy and I am finding myself to be successful in my new job and my new surroundings.  I am living each day when I wake up not at 8pm the night before  or worrying about what the next day will hold.   When I am truly living in the present I feel like the little green guy in this picture.  Imagine how happy you would feel if you lived like that every day!

I cannot get back the time I spent dwelling on the past or worrying about the future, but I can spend my time day-to-day living in the present moment and experiencing life as it should be experienced.   Treasure every moment, feel the pain even when it is hard to do, feel the joy, share tears and all of the wonderful experiences that life has to offer.

Here are just a few tips on how I take the time to live in the present moment.  If I find I am slipping back to my painful past or worrying on what tomorrow holds I find a quiet place to sit and just do some breathing exercises.  Even if it’s just five minutes it brings me back to the present and the now.  There are several websites that offer lists and tips on being in the present moment I recommend any of those that speak of mindfulness.  Being mindful is something that if we practice daily becomes very easy and it’s just a matter of stopping to remind yourself that you are living for today not for yesterday or tomorrow.

Have you ever looked back on a time in your life when you wished you had lived in the present moment?  Please respond with your experience.

Kimberly

Courageous Butterfly

4/30/12

I’ve been VALIDATED!

Published on by Kimberly Novak2 Comments

It is a frustrating feeling when you are unsure about something that you think is truth but you  have not been able to achieve getting concrete proof.  I have had doubts about something that happened in the past.  The reason I doubted myself at all is because it was not something that was tangible.  I couldn’t see it therefore maybe it didn’t really happen. Well, I was not expecting to ever really learn if my truth was actual and I have finally been provided with the confirmation I was hoping for. I am happy to say that I can now let go of every bit of that doubt.

Here is where it get’s tricky.  The information I was hoping for is also something that was very upsetting to me and really hard to take.  Even though deep down I knew it was the truth, getting that confirmation was a scary feeling because of the pain it caused me for so many years as well as in that moment.  I am Excited to report that it was in fact only a “moment”.  As soon as I realized that I was heading towards those horrible feelings of pain and hurt is when I realized that it wasn’t pain I should be feeling, it was VALIDATION.  I had been suffering for so long with my own doubts wondering if what I thought was the truth really was and in this “moment” I was Blessed with the truth.  Therefore, I did not slide down the slope of pain and hurt instead I stood proud in knowing that I had been Validated. If this has taught me anything, it is that I will forever trust my instincts even if I do not have concrete proof.  The worst that can happen is that I may be wrong, it is nothing compared to having feelings of doubt.

Sometimes  it is hard for us to be tuned into seeing the signs of something that is happening directly in front of our faces.  There were a few signs that were thrown into my face for many years but for some reason I didn’t see them coming.  I was obviously looking in another direction, but if I had seen the signs would it really have mattered?  I believe the answer to that question is YES.  Allowing myself to see the signs may not have changed the outcome but instead may have made it easier to handle.  We know that everything happens for a reason and there is a reason that it took me so long to finally be able to know the whole truth.  
Maybe someday I”ll know what that reason is or maybe not.  For me today it does not matter what the reason is or was because along with the validation came acceptance.  Now that I have the truth I have something tangible and I can choose to accept what happened and move forward.

Recently, today actually, I was again Blessed by a HUGE sign about something else going on in my life that I had wondered about.  I know that the only reason I was able to see it is because of what I went through.  I am now able to see the signs whether they are big or small and I will always allow them to be present in my life.  I am grateful that I was able to accept what happened in the past and begin to move forward.

So my friends I’d like to ask you.  Have you ever had the privilege of seeing your signs or had the validation experience?  If so how has it changed you?

Kimberly

Courageous Butterfly

4/22/12