The Fire Inside Me

runningTomorrow I run!  My first 5K of the season and third all time.  I’m no Forrest Gump but I will do my best.  The path is unknown I will have to look for the route markers and stay the course.  I will need to delve deep into my energy reserves, focus on my breathing, concentrate on my surroundings, and eventually cross the finish line.   If you close your  eyes and repeat the italicized text,  I promise you can apply that to any life experience.

Being emotional in public can be awkward but when I run no one really notices.  Could be the wind or the sun in my eyes.  So why do I cry when I run?  I asked myself that same question the first time my purple shoes hit the pavement.  I answered the question as I crossed the finish line.


Reaching a goal no matter how small can be food enough to fill your soul for a lifetime.  Nearly 8 years go I had a fire lit inside me and at the time I had no idea where it was going to take me.  I did not know that it was meant to prepare me for the struggle ahead.  I didn’t have a plotted route, or even a clue of what I was about to face.  Reflecting on it now, I am certain the opportunity that was placed in my hands and lit the fire, was the gift of strength.   Something I had not yet possessed.

I have two caterpillars in little cups beginning to shed into the chrysalis.  Every day I watch their activity and I don’t have to wonder what that struggle feels like, because the human struggle is the same.  The caterpillar does not know that The path is unknown and will have to look for the route markers and stay the course;  will need to delve deep into energy reserves, focus on breathing, concentrate on surroundings, and eventually cross the finish line into complete transformation.chrysalis-wide

After the struggle, accomplishment will become its focus.  The beauty it represents will be appreciated by many and its inner light will shine bright!

I won’t be completely transformed when I cross the finish line tomorrow.  I still have many more runs to complete, each one adding fuel to my fire.

Can you compare a struggle to that of a caterpillar?  Please share in comments.

Shine your light bright!

Courageous Butterfly



Related Topics/posts

Love With Your Life, Hollyn








controlaltdeleteThe function of the key combination differs depending on the context but it generally interrupts or facilitates interrupting a function.   Huh…how different would our lives be if we could perform a “soft reboot” when we felt it absolutely necessary?  We do it to our computers without even batting an eye lash.  How many times have you been working on a project on the computer and it freezes…just stops working,  the first thing we think to do is hit those three tiny keys.  We know that the number one risk is that what we have just spent hours working on may be lost, yet we do it anyway, why?  Is it impatience, lack of computer knowledge, or just the fact that we know we are in control?

The little finger is gently placed on the control key…. with just a bit more pressure the index finger presses down on the alt button….and with every force in your being you slam the opposite index finger on the delete key!  You know you’ve done it.  Now think back to how it felt, the instant gratification that came with hitting that delete key so hard that the tip of your finger is now throbbing.  You are the queen/king of your computer.. you have beat it, all you have to do now is turn it back on, let that baby warm up and you are on your way.

I have been a total  scatter brain lately, the things running through my head are all jumbled up like letters from a boggle game and the sand in the timer is almost out.    I have had several moments where I wished I had those three buttons so that I can take a few moments when I am rebooting to just breathe.  Of course we have all thought about having a pause button and there are several occasions that I could think of where freezing time would come in handy, but for some reason these seem like they would prove to be more useful.  ctrlaltdelt

PC Encyclopedia gives this definition for the process:  The key combination in Windows that enables a user to terminate an unresponsive application. When all three keys are pressed at the same time, the Task Manager utility is launched, which displays all open applications. It also enables the user to reboot the computer.  Ok, now do me a favor and think of a time where you could apply that to your life…..I have like a million how about you?

We may be willing to take the risk and lose our monthly budget report by performing that reboot, but would we be willing to lose life moment’s if we came equipped with a similar utility.  As appealing as it may seem to slam on that delete button during painful moments of our lives, it is within those moments that we are really being rebooted.   The hard part is waiting before placing our fingers on those keys, wait to see if your frozen moment can be undone in its own time, not by you trying to control it.

Since my divorce I have been feverishly trying to put my life back together, making every detail perfect.  The perfect job, home, friends, and even romance.  I’ve been on a speed train just pushing ahead to the next thing, not taking any time to just breathe, look around and let life happen to me, instead of my trying to make life happen.   I feel like I’ve in a way been doing my own soft reboot by just skipping ahead and searching for anything that would resemble putting my life back on track.  When what I should be doing is living in the frozen moments,  figuring out why they are frozen and what it is going to take make my life move again.

So how will I do it? I can apply those keys in a different way.  First by taking control of how I handle things when life starts swinging, then using that alt key to find alternatives when something is not going how it should in order to move me ahead in a positive way, finally deleting anything that is detrimental to my progression or is not allowing me to just be me.

Have you felt the need for those three magic keys? Ever tried to use them?  Please share.


Courageous Butterfly


Related links/blogs

I Can Just Be Me, Laura Story

Jumbled Thoughts, Liezl’s Poetry

The Face In The Photo, Of Ink And Coffee

Without Answers, My Orange Heart

Broken Pieces…..

broken puzzle…..or are they merely the beginning of something new?  We have all purchased a puzzle before, it comes in a box all sealed up never before seen.  Sometimes the pieces are safely inside a plastic bag and other times they are just right inside the box.  It’s exciting to begin to put the pieces together and start to see the image on the cover of the box appear before us.  I don’t know about you, but I cannot put any puzzle together without first looking at the image so I know where the pieces go and what it is supposed to look like when I’m finished.  Puzzle pieces are fun, colorful, and exciting; so why is that when we are falling apart it is called “falling to pieces”?

When I hear the word pieces I think of puzzles first, then pie!!! either of which are happy things.  I never understood why the term “falling to pieces” is compared to falling apart.  Pieces are things that are being put together, not to be left alone.  So technically if we “fall to pieces” we are simply setting ourselves up for a new beginning.  We are putting the plan into motion for someone to put our pieces back and make us whole again.

I’d like for a minute to imagine a world where when we are born a puzzle is created in the image of our future.  On our 18th birthday that puzzle shows up gift wrapped on our doorstep, however there is no image attached to the box.  It is up to us to know where to put each piece exactly where it goes.  I suddenly feel frustrated and anxious.  We don’t know where our pieces will fit, in fact most of us spend a lot of time trying to force pieces in where they don’t belong.  I have done that on several occasions before and since my divorce.

We get so excited thinking…This is it, I just know it’s going to fit….then when we try to put the piece in that spot, it’s not quite right.  No matter how much we bend, squeeze, or press that piece if it is not an exact fit, they will not go together.  That’s when we get frustrated, because we thought for sure that piece went there.  Is any of this sounding familiar yet if we put it into life’s scenarios?

There have been countless times since my divorce where I have tried to force pieces in where they didn’t fit, and it doesn’t work.  Life cannot be like a puzzle, because it changes over and over again.  When a puzzle is created it is made to stay the same, the pieces fit because they were cut that way, it was created specifically for one image.  Life, was not.  Life is meant to be a series of different landscapes.  Sometimes our life puzzle will be pretty, other times it may rain and even storm.

There will always be those times when we do not want to put our puzzle together because we are afraid of what it is going to look like and those are the life landscapes that we try to change or hide from, thus altering the pieces.  What we don’t realize is that we should not really try to alter those pieces, but instead put them in their place and experience what ever it is that we are meant to experience at that time in our lives.  God created our puzzle, he knows where our pieces go and he may have thrown in a few confusing one’s to help us to grow.

I have a few pieces that I would like to toss out of my puzzle, but then what would happen to my life image?  We are who we are because of what we have or are going through.  Without those horrible pieces of my life puzzle, I would not be right where I am today, which is where I am supposed to be.  If I had tossed those pieces and not lived those moments of my life,  I have a feeling my puzzle would never begin to take is a puzzle

So, when we are faced with loss, fear, sadness, and despair how do we continue to put our puzzles together?  We simply live life.  We take on each challenge along with any failure that comes with it and we embrace it.  We grab that puzzle piece hold it high and scream “ONE DAY MY PIECES WILL FIT”.

Try not to fit pieces of your puzzle into your life if they truly do not belong there.  Hold onto those pieces that fit right off the bat and enjoy putting your life puzzle together.

Have you been trying to force pieces to fit in your life? please share…


Courageous Butterfly

Related blogs/links

Pieces, Meridith Andrews