Tag: feelings

Life Happens….

Published on by Kimberly Novak8 Comments

I want to start off this post with a heart-felt apology.  I am so sorry that it has been so long since my last post.  I feel like I have disappointed my readers, followers and friends who check on a regular basis to read what I have to say.  It has not been from a lack of interest that is for sure, I have been caught up in the happenings of life.  Not only have I let you down but I have also broken the number one rule of blogging, post regularly!  One other order of business before we get to today’s topic.  The eBook is still happening, though it’s a slower process than I had first anticipated. Who knew it would be so complicated to self publish your own online book?  I will continue to keep you updated on the progress, and I thank you for your patience.

Life and stress all seem to continue no matter what we are dealing with emotionally.  I have found this out most recently.  I like to think of it as Life Happens, instead of the more popular Shit Happens. (pardon my french)  Wouldn’t it be nice if when dealing with emotional stress, grief, loss, and worry we were placed into a quiet space until those troubles resolved themselves?  I’ve pictured my setting many times.  The room would be cream and soft blue with pale yellow window coverings.  It would look over a brook complete with a waterfall.  I’d spend mornings on the veranda with herbal tea, a rocking chair and a soft blanket draped across my lap reading an inspirational novel.  Afternoon walks along the brook would serve to be relaxing and bring calm to my spirit.  My day would end with a light massage, red wine, smells of lavender and honey, while sounds of the ocean play until I drift off to sleep.

Hello….Hello…..Back to reality!!!!!  In the real world we have to learn how to function in our daily lives along with the emotional issues we carry with us.  Our lives do not have a hold button and reality is not the scene I described earlier.  Figuring out how to get through our day and live with our stress is not an easy task.  For starters you need to acknowledge what it is that is causing it.  Once you have your finger on the trigger, then putting a plan in place will be easier.  

For me recently my stress triggers have been my health issues, weight gain, finances, and sale of a property (or lack of sale).   Some of those I have no control over, my job is to work on the ones that I do.  I have begun to implement a plan and all I can do is take one day at a time and focus on the important aspects of each day as it happens.  Looking behind or into the future will only add more stress to the pot.  The key is to remember to live life looking through the windshield, see only what is right in front of you at the present moment.

After you acknowledge what your triggers are and you have your plan in action the next and probably most important step is to just let life continue to happen.  Try not to live in the past, live in the moment of each day.  Try by saying an affirmation everyday when you get out of bed.  Some examples are :  I choose to see each obstacle as an opportunity to grow; I choose to be happy; I approve of myself; I am proud of myself; I light the world with my smile.  Just today I found a perfect song for daily affirmations, it helped to inspire this topic.  It’s called Good Morning by Mandisa.  I will attach the link at the bottom of the post.   The daily affirmations will become a habit once you start doing them.  It may be easier for you to leave reminders around the house.  Write one on a mirror, leave one on the fridge, in your car, etc.

So to review, we know life happens and unfortunately we cannot retreat to our happy place until what we are going through is over.  In order to move through life and the situation in a positive manner it is important to first find your stress trigger, secondly chart out a plan of action to live each day while dealing with the stress, and lastly remind yourself with daily affirmations that you will get through it.  Also, you can find a way to bring yourself to your happy place.  I have found a wonderful tool called guided imagery and I pick recordings or scripts that describe the happy setting that I see in my mind.  I listen to it at night in order to calm myself for sleep and it has really been helpful.  Simply Google Guided Imagery and a plethora of information will be at your fingertips.

My plan is to listen to this song every day before I even step out of bed!  What are your tips for daily affirmations?  Respond in the comments.    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g4Sj6TmSG4w&feature=related

Kimberly

Courageous Butterfly

8/22/12

Little Imperfections

Published on by Kimberly Novak2 Comments

I bought a new dress!!  When I tried it on in the store I thought it looked great.  I even asked another shopper what she thought and she told me it was a keeper!  I went to the event today with a somewhat moderate level of self-esteem thinking I looked halfway decent.  The dress fit me well, and I felt it hid any imperfections that I was not willing to show.  Well, to my surprise I received this comment

” Wow, that dress looks great on you, it really shows off your curves.”  The only word I heard was “curves”.

My initial reaction was that this person has just told me that the dress makes me look fat!  Ya, I know just like a woman to think that way.  I thought I had picked a dress that hid all of that.   I’m sure that’s not what she meant when she said the word curves.  I was looking at myself through my eyes, not hers.  I wonder if I took a moment to see myself through her eyes would I see the same beauty in the dress?  That got me thinking.  If we take the time to hide our physical imperfections under our clothing, what else are we hiding?  Maybe the physical things we see as imperfections, do not look that way to someone else.  In turn, maybe any emotional imperfections we are keeping held in would be more beneficial if we let them out.

This is going to sound silly since I type out all of my feelings into this blog, but I have to say I am guilty of holding in those emotional imperfections that I don’t want other’s to know about.  Take for instance when I first started seeing my counselor. I would intentionally withhold information just because I didn’t want him to see what was really going on inside.  It’s no different from hiding extra bumps and bulges under our clothing.

We hold things in because we are afraid of the reactions of those around us.  I held in a lot during the divorce because I needed to maintain the image of strength around my family and most of all my kids.  As I look back now though I’m wondering if I did them more harm than good?  I say that because once the divorce was over, and I no longer felt the need to stay strong, they kind of saw the emotional side all at once.  If I put that into the perspective of showing any physical imperfections all at once it makes me shudder!

So how do we train ourselves to be able to share those imperfections with other’s?  I’m still in the process of that myself.  As far as the physical side goes, the end of a relationship will literally demolish your self-esteem.  Now that I am dating that is slowly coming back but it has not been easy.  As for the emotional imperfections, the outlet of this blog has helped me immensely!

There are other ways to be comfortable with our little imperfections.   I highly recommend keeping a journal, talking with someone you can trust, mediation and prayer.  As far as the physical side goes, I think I looked darn good in that dress and I can now say that since it shows my curves I guess I have set them free. Exercising in a group is always helpful when we are trying to hide.  There is more support in a group setting and having someone to celebrate your goals with is always a plus.

I’d love for you to share how you have freed yourself from your little imperfections by allowing other’s into your heart.  Please comment below.

Kimberly

Courageous Butterfly 8/5/12

 

 

 

Garage Sale

Published on by Kimberly Novak3 Comments

Your probably thinking that is an odd title for a blog that talks about emotions, so let me explain.  I spent some time driving through towns this weekend while visiting family, grad parties, seeing friends and church this morning.  It seemed that on almost every other block was a sign for a garage sale.  Lawns were sprinkled with so much stuff.  Just from my driving by I could see items ranging from televisions, exercise equipment, clothes, and toys.  I had the same reaction every time I passed by a sign or a sale.  I thought “they just put their stuff out there for people to see and hopefully take away”.  It only took passing about 20 signs before I finally go it!  Still sound like a silly title for a blog?  I don’t think so.

Let’s start with why people have garage sales.  They have accumulated too much stuff; cleaning house; outgrown certain items; items are no longer needed; those things are no longer necessary to make them happy.  See where this is going now?  What would our lawns look like if we had a garage sale for our emotions?  I’m not sure I have a big enough lawn!  I think I would start off with different colored blankets to separate things out.  At this point in my journey I would need about four sections.  The first would be for all of those emotions that caused me to be unsure about my choices and decisions during my divorce.  Next, I’d fill one up with any regrets or fears that I have carried with me through the process.  One for feelings of doubt and insecurity.  Lastly, pain and suffering.

I know that all sounds pretty scary.  Putting yourself out in the open like that.  Think about it though, you can really tell a lot about a person by what they are selling at their garage sale.  We’ve all done it.  Just walking around and looking at the stuff on their lawns tells a lot about that person.  Most of us have had a sale in the past.  Think back and remember how good you felt when you were able to get rid of those things that you no longer needed.  There are many benefits.  Our homes are clutter free and our closets have room for something new.  All of that brings us to a level of happiness, especially the extra cash in the pocket perk.  Our heart is the home for our emotions.  It too needs a good cleaning in order to move forward freely.  

So, if we are not afraid to literally air our old belongings on our lawns and actually sell them to people, why are we afraid to let other’s see our emotions?  Here’s a funny little story. When I first started my divorce I began seeing a counselor.  I sat across from him, arms crossed and did everything in my power NOT to let him in.  There was no way I was going to let him make me cry!  I was afraid for some reason to let him see my true emotions, yet I still wanted his help.  When we are in despair, we tend to close ourselves down.  It makes us feel like we are in control, when in reality we are not.

I’ve had to deal with something this past week and it has made me realize that I need to let the non-important things go. It has also reminded me of how easy it is to shut your emotions down.  I’m dealing with something potentially serious and I have not really taken the time to let it sink in, emotionally.  I decided it was because I didn’t have room left to deal with this new emotion.  It is time to let some of the old emotions go.

Now here’s the real difference between the garage sale and emotion sale.  We don’t really want other’s to come and purchase the crap we are letting go of emotionally.  But we can have a sale in our minds.  If you are a visual person then get some construction paper and write out the feelings and emotions you are putting on your lawn.  Make the decision to spring clean your feelings.  Figure out which ones you are done with and let them go.

I put mine on my lawn this afternoon.  I no longer need to worry about them anymore so I can focus on the now.  I may have a bumpy road ahead and I need to give it my full attention.  Even if I didn’t have this new event in my life, being free of those emotions will make more room for all of the new experiences that are yet to come.

Now it’s your turn.  Take some inventory of your emotions and let go of those that you no longer need, so that you have room for the newer happier moments.

I invite you to share how you have moved past a difficult emotion.  Respond in the comments.

Kimberly

Courageous Butterfly

7/1/12