Garage Sale


Your probably thinking that is an odd title for a blog that talks about emotions, so let me explain.  I spent some time driving through towns this weekend while visiting family, grad parties, seeing friends and church this morning.  It seemed that on almost every other block was a sign for a garage sale.  Lawns were sprinkled with so much stuff.  Just from my driving by I could see items ranging from televisions, exercise equipment, clothes, and toys.  I had the same reaction every time I passed by a sign or a sale.  I thought “they just put their stuff out there for people to see and hopefully take away”.  It only took passing about 20 signs before I finally go it!  Still sound like a silly title for a blog?  I don’t think so.

Let’s start with why people have garage sales.  They have accumulated too much stuff; cleaning house; outgrown certain items; items are no longer needed; those things are no longer necessary to make them happy.  See where this is going now?  What would our lawns look like if we had a garage sale for our emotions?  I’m not sure I have a big enough lawn!  I think I would start off with different colored blankets to separate things out.  At this point in my journey I would need about four sections.  The first would be for all of those emotions that caused me to be unsure about my choices and decisions during my divorce.  Next, I’d fill one up with any regrets or fears that I have carried with me through the process.  One for feelings of doubt and insecurity.  Lastly, pain and suffering.

I know that all sounds pretty scary.  Putting yourself out in the open like that.  Think about it though, you can really tell a lot about a person by what they are selling at their garage sale.  We’ve all done it.  Just walking around and looking at the stuff on their lawns tells a lot about that person.  Most of us have had a sale in the past.  Think back and remember how good you felt when you were able to get rid of those things that you no longer needed.  There are many benefits.  Our homes are clutter free and our closets have room for something new.  All of that brings us to a level of happiness, especially the extra cash in the pocket perk.  Our heart is the home for our emotions.  It too needs a good cleaning in order to move forward freely.  

So, if we are not afraid to literally air our old belongings on our lawns and actually sell them to people, why are we afraid to let other’s see our emotions?  Here’s a funny little story. When I first started my divorce I began seeing a counselor.  I sat across from him, arms crossed and did everything in my power NOT to let him in.  There was no way I was going to let him make me cry!  I was afraid for some reason to let him see my true emotions, yet I still wanted his help.  When we are in despair, we tend to close ourselves down.  It makes us feel like we are in control, when in reality we are not.

I’ve had to deal with something this past week and it has made me realize that I need to let the non-important things go. It has also reminded me of how easy it is to shut your emotions down.  I’m dealing with something potentially serious and I have not really taken the time to let it sink in, emotionally.  I decided it was because I didn’t have room left to deal with this new emotion.  It is time to let some of the old emotions go.

Now here’s the real difference between the garage sale and emotion sale.  We don’t really want other’s to come and purchase the crap we are letting go of emotionally.  But we can have a sale in our minds.  If you are a visual person then get some construction paper and write out the feelings and emotions you are putting on your lawn.  Make the decision to spring clean your feelings.  Figure out which ones you are done with and let them go.

I put mine on my lawn this afternoon.  I no longer need to worry about them anymore so I can focus on the now.  I may have a bumpy road ahead and I need to give it my full attention.  Even if I didn’t have this new event in my life, being free of those emotions will make more room for all of the new experiences that are yet to come.

Now it’s your turn.  Take some inventory of your emotions and let go of those that you no longer need, so that you have room for the newer happier moments.

I invite you to share how you have moved past a difficult emotion.  Respond in the comments.

Kimberly

Courageous Butterfly

7/1/12

 

 

Facing Fear


At the beginning of  May I wrote  a post about fear and a leap of faith.  Within that post I mentioned being in Hawaii and snorkeling with the fish and how much fun it was once I had allowed myself to face that fear.  Well, this week I found an underwater camera I had forgotten to get developed.  I was so excited to see all the beautiful pictures I had taken that day.  I remember being pretty nervous in the open water but I never anticipated how nervous I actually looked.  I had managed to snap a photo of myself underwater and I was stunned to see the fear in my eyes; a midst the happy memories of my trip I had forgotten about the fear I had to face in order to get there.

Surprisingly, what I remember about that day is not that I was afraid.  I remember the brilliantly blue sky; how fun it was to kayak in the open water; being among my friends; and how beautiful nature is.  Those are my memories, the picture however, tells a completely different story.  I can see the fear in my face; the wide-set eyes; the wrinkles on my forehead; and the general look of shock.  So why can’t I remember the fear that I was obviously facing?

I believe it has to do with the outcome.  Think about it, if you take yourself back to a time when you were afraid and it did not turn out the way you wanted you will always remember feeling that fear and it will force you to not want to go down that road again.  For example my first roller-coaster ride did not go so well.  I was with someone who was 6ft 4″, I am 4ft 11″; because of our height difference the lap bar would not hold me in securely and with each hill I thought for sure I was going to fall out.  I never went on another roller-coaster again.  The memory of that moment is complete and utter fear and I would not dare to face it again.

So why is the snorkeling different?  I can see in the pic I was terrified and I remember how I felt leading up to that moment before I leaped off the kayak, but I would definitely do it again, because it had a good outcome. My reward was seeing the vibrant colors of the fish below me; how softly the water flowed over me as I paddled along; and being truly happy once I resolved to sticking my face in the water and actually looking at the beauty that surrounded me.

We can’t always know how things are going to turn out, and I had several of those instances during my divorce, but there have been rewards.  I can’t say I have good memories of what I went through but that situation has produced different kinds of rewards.  I have become who I was meant to be; gained confidence in myself as a woman, and mother; strengthened bonds with family; met some amazing people; re-kindled some past relationships; and most importantly learned that facing fear will not kill me!

We all have different fears, public speaking (myself included); water; heights; karaoke; spiders; snakes; boats; airplanes, the list can go on forever.  There is one fear that we all have in common and that is Facing It!  Admit it, each one of us is afraid to face fear no matter how small or large it  is.  It is a natural instinct to be afraid of something you are not sure about.  

Imagine how disappointed I would have been had I not jumped into the water that day.  I would’ve been forced to stay in the kayak and watch my friends making their rewarding memories.  I am extremely happy with the choice I made.  I can honestly say that I am happy that I was able to face my fears of my life trial as well.  Even though it did not have the same outcome, it has made a positive impact in my life and I’m so proud  that I can now see what they are.

I’d love for you to share your fears and outcomes!

Kimberly

Courageous Butterfly

6/10/12