Good, bad and the ugly, milestones come in all shapes and forms.  Some are worth celebrating and others we dread.  Today I hit a big one.  It is one that I dreamed of celebrating but God had other plans.

So how do you non-celebrate something you looked forward to your entire lifetime?  You make lasagna and eat it on your china!

Unfortunately for me this milestone will always surround the Christmas holiday and that is something I am still learning to cope with.   I have two milestones in the same month, my divorce anniversary and my wedding anniversary then Christmas just a few days later that is just cruel!

The last four years were ok, I mean I felt sadness but for some reason this big year 5 for the divorce and what would have been my 25th wedding anniversary are hitting me very hard.

I’m not stressing over what happened, or what I lost.  I’m missing what could have been.  When I attended the divorce support group they told me not to even think about a new relationship for 5 years and I laughed thinking ya right!  I can tell you now how correct they were.  There have been so many times when I thought I was “over it” and healed, then moments like today happen.  Would they happen if I was involved with someone? I don’t know.  But in the now this is where I am.

Every Christmas since the divorce I have added a new tradition to my family and that is something I need to continue.  Had both of these anniversaries been in another month, I don’t think it would have had the same affect me, but because it has I am feeling the need to keep creating new memories.  I’m having fun and have labeled it my Christmas Antics.

So here I sit 5 years post divorce still somewhat broken but hopeful that it is just temporary.  Learning how to stop looking back on the past and focusing on the future.  I know I can’t go back, can’t change the past I need to learn how to live with what happened and I know next year will be better.  This year it’s just those big milestones that have put a chink in my chain.

Have you thought you were healed and then realized you were still in the process of healing?  Please comment.

Kimberly

Courageous Butterfly

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