It’s Spring cleaning time! Yep, that time of year when we all get out our special mops, rags, gloves and Windex. I was doing just that at my place of work this week and stumbled upon a couple of documents that I had stuffed in a file with my name on it. They were divorce documents that were faxed to my attorney at one point during those God awful months. So what did I do when I found them? Well instead of just plopping them into the shredder I sat there and read each one! I didn’t even think about what I was doing. I had a feeling of curiosity over my own documents! As if I had forgotten the details they held, I angrily read them over and then, deposited them into the shredder.
Finding those documents was a not so gentle reminder that I have an entire box in my bedroom closet. It has always been refered to as my “divorce-in-a-box”. It holds every piece of mail sent back and forth to the all important lawyer. Journal entries, notes for my counselor or the court appointed guardian and the dreaded photos. Oh we cannot forget the print out’s and photo copies from email, social media and personal files.
Here’s the funny part (or insane) I have moved twice since my divorce was final, which means I have packed up and moved that box twice! I had not one, but two opportunities to trash it, burn it, or run it over with the car. Tonight I am asking myself, why in the world is it still here? Why did I take the time and energy to move it and place it safely in my closet when I arrived at each new location?
If I think back to the first move into my cute cozy condo, I can recall thinking that maybe I would be asked to recall some of that information if anything was brought up immediately following the final date. You know, maybe if someone needed a copy of something or the lawyer just needed confirmation on an article that she may have overlooked. I”m sure that sounded logical then.
So let’s take a look at the second move,into the home that haunts me. I cannot tell you why I unpacked it and put it away. I remember seeing the words on the outside of the box identifying the contents and I was emotionless. My only thought was stick it high on a shelf and forget about it. I don’t know why I thought just putting it out of sight would make me forget about it; that is obviously not happening.
Since it is Spring Cleaning time and I am gearing up to pack up this house in hopes it will sell soon, I think it is time to FINALLY rid myself of that box. I’m thinking a girls-night bon fire would work, or maybe just a quiet night alone with the shredder and a glass of wine. I even thought about taking it out to the Island house that has been so helpful in my healing. I don’t think the way I dispose of it really matters; what matters is that I destroy it so that I do not move it to my future home. It is time to stop taking my past hurts with me and start over with a fresh, clean, clutter-free closet, heart and mind.
Do you have a “divorce box”? Share in the comments.