Being open to your transformation

Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over it became a butterfly……proverb

I stumbled upon this proverb just about a year go and fell completely in love with it.  There are many stories that you can find on the internet that tell the story of the scared caterpillar.  I especially like Hope for the flowers by Trina Paulus.  Don’t want to ruin it for you so I’ll just tell a quick note.  The story tells a tale that takes the caterpillar into a scary situation and he is forced to decided whether or not to continue on that path or to take the risk and go into his cocoon and become a butterfly.   

It’s the same for us.  We have to decide if we are going to continue to be fearful of change or embrace it.   No matter what your situation is there was most likely a time during your trial that you were forced to make a change and as it did for me it probably was your biggest fear at the time.   The scariest change for me was learning how to cope with not living with my kids full time.  I decided to transition into a small home for the first year because I knew that living alone was going to take it’s toll and I did not need to do it in a big empty house.   I’ll admit it the first few months were horrible.  I spent all of my time working, sleeping, crying and that seemed to be by cycle for a while.

As I look back on those months now I can see that, just like the caterpillar in the story, I was stuck in a scary place.  I’m not quite sure when it was that I first started to transform out of that place but I can guess it was when I started a new job.  My confidence level was slowly rising and I was becoming a happier person.

Once  I finally admitted to myself that it was time to begin to move past the last two years and really start to change my life,  I found that what I feared the most was failure.  My track record for success had not been going very well since I had just failed in a 20 year marriage.  Even though the break-up was not my doing I still had a feeling of failure because I didn’t accomplish what I had set out to accomplish; a happily every after.

So I had to evaluate all of the positive things that were taking place during my initial stages of change.  Like the fact that I was extremely happy in my new job and I liked the feeling of being happy.  I needed to figure out what other changes I could make in my life that would continue to make me happy.  I began to involve myself more with my family and friends and payed more attention to how I was feeling on the nights when I was alone.  I began to see that I was changing for the better, I was not as sad on those nights alone and I quickly learned that I have this passion for writing.   Something that I never would admit to myself that I could do.  Sure I wrote letters to friends as a teen and writing was my favorite class in school but this is different.  I was extremely fearful of failure but I decided that I’ve spent enough time hiding from that fear and that it’s time for me to transition towards my future.

You are all  witnesses to my step towards transformation.  This blog is the tool I am using to work on my writing skills and at the same time work through the emotional sides of the transformation.  Most importantly, I’m hoping that I am helping other’s like me who have suffered through a trial and are trying to make the decision whether or not to allow change into their lives.

I found this picture online and it’s awesome because not only does it show the butterfly but it has a human form for the caterpillar, it is a true picture of transformation.  I hope you enjoy it.

Courageous Butterfly 1/10/12

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