Tag: stress

Calm, Cool, and Almost Collected

Published on by Kimberly Novak1 Comment

calmSince my last post dealt with realizing the amount of physical pain that can come along with stress,  I had better follow-up with talking about the stillness that can come following acceptance.

It was not easy for me to grab onto the diagnosis of stress induced nerve damage, it’s not something that is frequently talked about and I had never really heard of it before.  I figured I had two options, shut up and deal with it or argue.  Since I have been searching for three years for the cause of my symptoms I decided I will just shut up and deal, starting with some positive life changes.

I sat down to make a list of things that I thought would help to alleviate some of the stress, but these had to be things that I could actually control.  Of course I would love to say, erase all debt and make me pain free…There! done! stress gone.   That list is the pretend list cause those things are out of my control.  Yes I can work on my lowering my debt but erasing it all is a complete fantasy.  I didn’t want to overwhelm myself with a long list of things to start with so I wrote just a couple and within a weeks time I have been able to make those changes.  The first was to get extra rest.  I decided to make a cut off time every night where I would sit down, decompress and relax.  I would do this with enough time before I actually went up to bed so that once I was ready to sleep, the thoughts of my day would be done and my mind would be able to rest.  I ended up sleeping 12 hours two nights in a row!  I changed my schedule only slightly, doing some of my weekend morning things in the evening, so that if my body wanted to sleep in I would not be missing anything I needed to do.

The second item was to work on changing my thoughts when they drifted to a place that would cause me anxiety.  This meant any anxious thought that popped into my head at any time.  I knew this would be more difficult than the first item would be and would take more effort on my part.  With comments from my counselor we agreed that when these moments came I needed to first take a deep breath to settle myself, then figure out what caused the thoughts.  What was I doing in that moment that prompted it?  Once I have that information, decide is this something I need to be doing, if not then it would be the last time, but if it is then what do I need to do in order to complete that task without raising my stress level?   So far so good that part is going to take some training but I am confident that I learn to master it.rest

All in all I would say I had a productive week and completed my first step to learning how to alleviate stress that is in my life and/or caused by life.  We will never be totally free of stress and I can attest to the fact that traumatic events will cause stress to linger a lot longer than we ever thought possible.  Learning how to cope so that it does not get to the point of causing us physical harm is vital to our wellbeing.

Do you have any suggestions on being calm, cool and collected when surviving stress?  Please share.

Kimberly

Courageous Butterfly

6/23/14

Related blogs/links

Oceans, Hillsong United

Anxiety, A Life Less Physical

Stress Management (AKA the silent Killer), Real Living

Limits And Stress, QuirkyJuice

Does PTSD after divorce exist? You better believe it!

Published on by Kimberly Novak104 Comments

ptsd1I can chalk today up to a really bad day, or a valuable lesson learned.  It’s been two years since D-day and I like to think that I’m healing at a somewhat normal pace.  I’ve been able to move on in all aspects of my life, little things that used to bother me don’t anymore, I’m good with being in the same room as my ex and I even faced forgiveness head on and chose it!  So why am I now, at this point, experiencing  post traumatic stress symptoms?

The term is most recognized for people who have gone through war, seen very traumatic events, and suffered great loss during that time.  I do not want to even try to compare what I went through against what a war veteran has experienced.  What I can do is talk about similarities.  We do not often hear of PTSD following an emotional or social event it’s usually something that was very abusive.  Well, I was very surprised when I began looking for information on this topic to find so many links to articles relating to post divorce PTSD.  

Divorce will bring about traumatic events that leave us scarred in the same way as a person who has survived combat.  In fact, most divorces share similar types of  combat, war, traumatic events and end up the same way….with a loss.  In a previous post I wrote about finding battle scars, and trying to differentiate between the two can be confusing.  When I found the scar, it was only because someone pointed it out to me.  I was surprised but dealt with it and moved on from it with a sense of accomplishment!  This time was different.

I’ve mentioned before that I’m learning to listen to my intuition, although lately, I am getting a little annoyed when she calls!  Reluctantly, I took her call,  and it was just as I thought.  Prior to that event though, is when the PTSD showed its ugly head.   When I started to wonder about the situation, the emotions I felt were something I had felt before, and they were not welcome emotions.   I immediately tried to put it off to the side and pay no attention to it, but she kept on calling! I thought maybe I was over reacting.   When I finally took a moment to think about what I was feeling and why, I was brought back to that day.  My heart raced, face went white, and hands were shaky. I was feeling every emotion, uncertainty, insecurity, and most of all fear; it was all too familiar.  

I was brought back to my trauma similarly as a war veteran who hears a loud noise.  Even though the situation was different and in no way related to my marriage or why it ended, I was going through the same feelings all over again.  It scared the crap out of me and I began to go through a list of questions.  Does this mean I’m not as far along in my healing process as I thought I was?  Will this happen again?  Does this happen to others?  How can I stop this from happening?

I don’t have all the answers just yet. What I do know and can trust is my intuition and I promised her I would continue to take her calls no matter how bad they will be.  As far as my healing process, I do think I am where I thought I was, otherwise I wouldn’t recognize what I’m feeling.  I will encounter speed bumps along the way some big some small, this one was a big one maybe the next will be a little smaller.  Will this happen again?  YES, if I am to continue to heal properly I have to go through every emotion, every failure, and every triumph.  Does this happen to others?  YES ( links to articles below), unfortunately I am not the only one but we can all learn from each other.  How can I stop this from happening?  I can’t, which is a good thing.  It means that I will continue to move forward no matter what scars, or traumatic memories I have and I will grow stronger as each one rears its ugly head.  Now is my chance to fight against each scar or traumatic stress symptom, and continue to fight until I am free from each one.  When I least expect it, that day will come.  intition

It’s almost as if the last two years have been preparing me for a new battle.  I am now at war with memories, feelings, emotions and circumstances that at some time in my life will become familiar again.  Being able to recognize, trust and battle them will be what leads me to ultimate healing and happiness.

I’m not sure if I really learned a lesson or if it’s that I learned more about what I went through and how it may affect me in the future.  What I did learn is a good thing, I’m not numb to feelings, I have not been ruined by my divorce, trusting in myself and allowing myself to feel things again is an amazing feeling!

I”d love to hear from other’s who have also suffered PTSD symptoms after divorce.  Do you have a similar experience to share?  Please respond in the comments.

Kimberly

Courageous Butterfly

1/4/13

Related Links/ Blogs

Is your high conflict divorce causing PTSD?

I have PTSD after my divorce

It’s ok not to be ok

 

 

 

Life Happens….

Published on by Kimberly Novak8 Comments

I want to start off this post with a heart-felt apology.  I am so sorry that it has been so long since my last post.  I feel like I have disappointed my readers, followers and friends who check on a regular basis to read what I have to say.  It has not been from a lack of interest that is for sure, I have been caught up in the happenings of life.  Not only have I let you down but I have also broken the number one rule of blogging, post regularly!  One other order of business before we get to today’s topic.  The eBook is still happening, though it’s a slower process than I had first anticipated. Who knew it would be so complicated to self publish your own online book?  I will continue to keep you updated on the progress, and I thank you for your patience.

Life and stress all seem to continue no matter what we are dealing with emotionally.  I have found this out most recently.  I like to think of it as Life Happens, instead of the more popular Shit Happens. (pardon my french)  Wouldn’t it be nice if when dealing with emotional stress, grief, loss, and worry we were placed into a quiet space until those troubles resolved themselves?  I’ve pictured my setting many times.  The room would be cream and soft blue with pale yellow window coverings.  It would look over a brook complete with a waterfall.  I’d spend mornings on the veranda with herbal tea, a rocking chair and a soft blanket draped across my lap reading an inspirational novel.  Afternoon walks along the brook would serve to be relaxing and bring calm to my spirit.  My day would end with a light massage, red wine, smells of lavender and honey, while sounds of the ocean play until I drift off to sleep.

Hello….Hello…..Back to reality!!!!!  In the real world we have to learn how to function in our daily lives along with the emotional issues we carry with us.  Our lives do not have a hold button and reality is not the scene I described earlier.  Figuring out how to get through our day and live with our stress is not an easy task.  For starters you need to acknowledge what it is that is causing it.  Once you have your finger on the trigger, then putting a plan in place will be easier.  

For me recently my stress triggers have been my health issues, weight gain, finances, and sale of a property (or lack of sale).   Some of those I have no control over, my job is to work on the ones that I do.  I have begun to implement a plan and all I can do is take one day at a time and focus on the important aspects of each day as it happens.  Looking behind or into the future will only add more stress to the pot.  The key is to remember to live life looking through the windshield, see only what is right in front of you at the present moment.

After you acknowledge what your triggers are and you have your plan in action the next and probably most important step is to just let life continue to happen.  Try not to live in the past, live in the moment of each day.  Try by saying an affirmation everyday when you get out of bed.  Some examples are :  I choose to see each obstacle as an opportunity to grow; I choose to be happy; I approve of myself; I am proud of myself; I light the world with my smile.  Just today I found a perfect song for daily affirmations, it helped to inspire this topic.  It’s called Good Morning by Mandisa.  I will attach the link at the bottom of the post.   The daily affirmations will become a habit once you start doing them.  It may be easier for you to leave reminders around the house.  Write one on a mirror, leave one on the fridge, in your car, etc.

So to review, we know life happens and unfortunately we cannot retreat to our happy place until what we are going through is over.  In order to move through life and the situation in a positive manner it is important to first find your stress trigger, secondly chart out a plan of action to live each day while dealing with the stress, and lastly remind yourself with daily affirmations that you will get through it.  Also, you can find a way to bring yourself to your happy place.  I have found a wonderful tool called guided imagery and I pick recordings or scripts that describe the happy setting that I see in my mind.  I listen to it at night in order to calm myself for sleep and it has really been helpful.  Simply Google Guided Imagery and a plethora of information will be at your fingertips.

My plan is to listen to this song every day before I even step out of bed!  What are your tips for daily affirmations?  Respond in the comments.    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g4Sj6TmSG4w&feature=related

Kimberly

Courageous Butterfly

8/22/12