Extra, Extra, Read all about it…..the eBook is PUBLISHED!!!

It’s done!, It’s Done!, It’s DONE!!!!

After two years of writing, while living through it, I finally have the eBook completed and published.  I have to say it is an amazing feeling and I certainly understand why it takes so long for books to be complete.  This is just a simple 30 page eBook and it took me almost the entire day  just to upload it to the publishing site.  A print version will be available very soon for those of use non-computer savvy people.

I need to give some shout out’s here, first to my editor…Christopher Woodside I can’t begin to express my gratitude for all the work you did on this project, not only with the editing but also with getting me through some really rough times.   Asking you to edit the book seemed  logical to me because you saw me through each and every word on those pages.  I will be forever grateful.

Second goes out to Tracie Louise Photography for providing the cover pic at a very reasonable price two years ago when this project was just a glimmer in my eyes.

Next I need to thank David Hall Page for your generous, fabulous, sweet yet comical forward.  You are also someone who has gotten me through some “crap” as you put it and it means a lot to me to have you part of this project.

Finally but not in the least my family, friends, and spiritual advisors…you all know who you are!  But if you want to see your name in print I’ll throw out a few, here goes:  Michelle, Susan, Chuck. Rachel, my lovely children, Mom, Daddy, Michael, Phyllis, Elizabeth, and my awesome co-workers.

So without further ado I proudly announce

eBook Version:

Out Of The Chrysalis:  Free To Fly  (click link for purchasing information)

Out of the Chrysalis : Free to Fly

Paper back print version:

Out Of The Chrysalis: Free To Fly (click link for purchasing information)

Out of the Chrysalis : Free to Fly


Emotional Glacier

small-iceberg-wFrozen:  It’s the beginning of March and we are still being gifted by mother nature with ice and snow.

Frozen: The Oscar nominated song Let It Go, in 2014, a hit for little girls everywhere.

Frozen:  The Disney Movie which defines Love as: “Love,” the character states, “is putting someone else’s needs before your own.” The definition is not only key to the story’s surprising climax, but also biblically solid. For the Scriptures tell us, “Greater love has no one than this: than he lay down his life for his friends” (John 15:13).

Frozen: Webster defines it as, frigid, very cold, obstructed by ice.

It’s amazing how one word can have so many different meanings.  So why am I stuck on this very cold, sometimes debilitating word?  Because in the last few years I have had many circumstances where I felt, or wanted to be frozen.  There were times during my trial when something would happen and the result would cause me to feel trapped and out of control of my circumstances.  In those moments I was literally frozen, in that I was not able to do anything to change the outcome.  I was physically and emotionally frozen.

Lately, I feel like I am stuck, I”m sitting on a very large piece of ice in the middle of nowhere, an emotional glacier.  It’s strange because for a while now I have not had any issues with releasing my feelings but for some reason I find myself wanting to hold things in again.  We all know that holding in feelings is never a good idea and that came to pass for me last week.  Now that I can see it though I am committed to working through whatever it is that I am holding on to.  From the lips of a very dear woman “It’s OK to not be OK”.

The last few days I have been trying to figure out what it is that has me trapped on this current glacier.  Other than the obvious, there is an anniversary (not mine) that does seem to be at the forefront of my mind.  It’s something that  I knew I would never be “OK” with, but something I thought I had moved past.  Divorce is truly the death of a relationship and unfortunately for me, I am still in mourning.


I know I have made a lot of progress in my healing but then I have these surprises creep up on me and throw me right back onto that glacier where I have an emotional explosion!  The hard part is not to feel like I’m right back at the beginning.  I need to put all those other explosions behind me and just focus on the one that has me on this current block of ice.  Also hard, is to let it all out; finding someone to confide in and tell all of this too.  I have been through three counselors since my divorce; they keep leaving, maybe I need to look into that! (ha ha)  Most importantly though is recognizing when you are feeling isolated on the glacier before it’s too late and you are piled up high one on top the other before the damn breaks.  let it go

In the words of Disney’s Frozen….LET IT GO!  Let it all in and then let it all out.  We have to remember that tears are healing and it’s OK.  Keeping in mind also not to be angry with yourself when you get to these moments.  My first reaction was how angry I was at  because I am still holding on to some of these issues, but then I realized its because I haven’t let them go from my heart.  They are still there because they still cause hurt, and I need to face them in order to release them.

I have been living in the biggest storm of my life, there may be nothing harder than this.  It is going to take time, patience, understanding, love, faith, and hope to guide me towards being healed.  I have no idea how long it will take, or if I ever will be completely over everything that I went through.  For now I know that it’s OK for me not to be OK, and I need to let other’s around me know when I am feeling that way.  It’s not healthy to be alone on that block of ice, the more people I let in and the more I talk about it, the quicker that ice will melt and I will be free of it.   I have to admit when I first pictured myself sitting on a glacier and it was melting away, I felt panic!  What if I”m not ready?  What if it melts and I drown?  Well, the people around, us, those helping us, will be our life jackets.  They will make sure that we are safe to swim and they will lead us safely to the shore.

Do you feel trapped on your own emotional glacier?  Respond in the comments.


Courageous Butterfly


Related topics/blogs

Let It Go, Frozen

Dream Glacier, Tony Crisp

Let It Go, momofthreelivinginbfe

Seeing Emotions, Enchanted Heart


don’t panic

dream-butterflyThe caterpillar has just realized that she is trapped in her cocoon until she is ready and strong enough to fly on her own.  What do you think is going through her  mind?  I’d like to think she is calm, relaxed, and reflecting on what her future will be like once she is transformed.  Perhaps she closes her eyes and in a calm voice whispers to herself, “don’t panic”.

They are only two little words, 8 letters in total but when I speak them or hear them there is no calm in my voice.  Recently after a Chinese dinner I opened a fortune cookie.  I’m usually very excited to see what lies ahead, but this time when I read those two little words my pulse began to race.  All I could think of was why?  Why should I not panic?  What do I have coming that I will want to or need to panic, and how long to these Chinese fortunes last?

Life is full of bumps along the road and hills to climb and panicking through them will only make it harder to survive.  I thought about the past few years and wondered if there were any situations where I did panic, and I was able to think of a few.  When I look back on them now I can see that being in a panic mode did not really help me to resolve anything.  Then I looked even further back into my marriage, to an incident that if I would have processed it correctly, I would have seen what was happening then, instead of six years later.

When we panic we over-anticipate things which can make it look to us like we are over reacting.  That is what happened to me.  Instead of calmly looking at the situation one piece of evidence at a time and focusing on the facts and what I was seeing, I panicked.  I went into a OMG mode and I missed clues,  over looked facts, and ultimately that led me blindly into the false explanation that I would soon accept as truth.  Those emotions can cause you to look at things irrationally and at times you may even become fearful and hysterical.  I had immediately imagined the worst but because I was in that rushed surge of emotions, I convinced myself that I was wrong.  The emotions that panicking brought out of me were crazy, therefore I discounted it all.  Since then I have learned to trust my gut feelings and I know now that if I want to really hear them and feel them I have to go through difficult situations in a calm manner.

I can’t go back and change that moment but I can certainly learn from it.  I can let that moment go and make sure that in the future I pause before reacting.  Storms come and go in our lives just like in the weather.  At times we get a warning and other times they just drop out of the sky.  It is important that we have our emergency response system working properly.  At the first sign of trouble, or when the first dark cloud rolls in….pause….take a deep breath and whisper “don’t panic”, I’ve got this.  Then try to focus on the facts and what you need to do in order to grow, change, or move forward out of the storm.  Learn what ever life lessons are coming from it, accept any changes, and take pride in knowing that you have survived it.  As the storm passes, spread your wings and soar!z_p18-The-butterfly

I do not even want to imagine how many dizzy butterflies there would be if every caterpillar went into a OMG panic mode when they emerged from their cocoon.  Don’t be a dizzy butterfly….take a deep breath….close your eyes…..and whisper “don’t panic”.

Have you panicked and it altered your reasoning?  Please share in the comments.


Courageous Butterfly


Related Links/Blogs

Need You Now, Plumb

Word to the Wise, Poetic Journey

Day 7-13 Flying In and Out of Control, The Presence Project

Panic, Tiny Moon Girl

Across the Bored