Normal, except for:


test resultsResults are good, everything checks out except for the following:  There are trivial amounts of an abnormality and the source is unknown. You may go about your normal daily activities.

Would you find this helpful on your healing journey or do you see it as a way to hide an underlying reason for what you are suffering with?

When I was in the midst of my divorce I tried very hard to make sure my life looked normal.  I did a lot of pretending, some saw through it but other’s did not.  As I look back now, I think if I had just let things ride out naturally without hiding my actual feelings I may have made my healing process a lot easier.

Instead I chose to make it look like my life was normal knowing inside that there was an “except for” clause attached to it.  Unfortunately, I let that feeling of normalcy be a guide to making some poor decisions.  I was living as if the results were 100% what I wanted them to be, when in reality that was far from the truth.

So, am I behind in my healing journey because of that,  or am I that much further ahead for recognizing it?  When I think back to what I can apply it to I am reminded of a series of questions and answers.

Q:  How are you holding up?        A:  I’m great, thank you for being concerned.

Q:  You look like your handling things very well are you ok?  A:  Ya, it get’s better every day.

Q:  Your so strong, how do you do it?         A:  I have God at my side.

I could go on but will stop at those that were asked the most.  The important thing is what all of these have in common.  Every question resulted in a normal answer, one that seemed like everything was in control.  However, each answer neglected to give the details about the “except for” that I felt with every part of my being.  Same questions but honest answers: results

A:  I’m great except that I feel like my life is a mess, and I’m not sure how I will come out of all of this.

A:  Every day is a constant struggle I need all the help I can get to make it through my day.

A:  I need the prayers of everyone I know to make sure I survive this.

The first set of answers were all warm and fuzzy right?  Sugar coating makes us feel better and we appear to be strong to those who are watching us survive our tragedy.  But are we just hampering our healing and the ability to move on if we are not being honest with how we are actually feeling?  Healing from anything can be a very long process and we all do it in our own time.  Nothing is cut and dry especially when it comes to getting “normal” results.

My advice to you is, if you want a 100% normal result, put in the effort to achieve it. Be honest not only with yourself but with those around you and let them carry you on whatever part of your journey they are meant to be on.  It will be worth it.

If you can relate to acting normal but living with the “except for’s” please share your stories.

Kimberly

Courageous Butterfly 6/13/16

 

 

 

 

Fly with Grace, Peace and Hope


flygirlI was all set to call it a night, I leaned over to turn off the light and my body paused.  I looked at the lamp and was reminded that I still carry pieces of my past with me.  As I embark on yet another move, I am determined to let go of these items that have lingered in places where they really didn’t need to be.

Take for instance the lamp…which I made from a wine bottle…that was given to me by my ex.  I have moved three times since my divorce and apparently this lamp has made the trip.  Why is it still at my bedside?

I sat down at my vanity earlier today to begin to clean out the drawers and found an old wallet.  I pulled out old business cards and in the middle I found a photo probably 15 years old or more of the two of us on a New Year’s Eve…why is this photo still in this wallet?

I shopped at the grocery store today and gave the cashier my phone number for my rewards card…she repeated the name and it is still registered under my married name, why?

I received mail this week that was addressed to Mr. and Mrs…. why?  The company who sent it clearly knows that I am divorced.

I am in a place in my life where I am making positive changes, and for the first time I feel like they are changes that God wants me to make.  Things are moving smoothly and in a positive direction.  So then why am I getting all of these little reminders of my marriage?

It’s been five years and yet every time I make a literal move I find more mementos of our life together. I thought for sure I had done a formal cleanse but items still seem to surface.  This move has to be it…I no longer want to find these items that carry so much weight.  I like to think that I am at peace with my circumstance.   Truthfully I am, until that moment that I’m not.

fly freeYou can’t forget life and you can’t undo what’s been done.  What you can do is learn, grow and survive.  I know in the coming weeks as I continue to pack I will most likely stumble across more things that I thought I had let go of.  I will put on my wings and FINALLY set the items free.  Lightening the load will make it much easier for me to move both physically and emotionally.

Soon, I will return to the area where I grew up,  without the restraints of where I have been. Fueled with the power given to me by my children, friendships, experiences, and all of my scars, I will be at peace.  I will be ready for yet another transformation to become the best butterfly I can be! Fly with grace, confidence and hope.

Have you flown? Have you let it all go? Are you at peace?   Please share in the comments.

Kimberly

Courageous Butterfly

5/12/16

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Tell Your Hear To Beat Again, Danny Goke

 

 

 

 

 

We were down, but now we are LIMITLESS.


you wont breakI’ve mentioned my faith in a number of posts and there is no doubt in my mind that I am on a path that was designed by God.

Sometimes, though I get just a little irritated with the roadblocks he had set up for me.  He has built everyone differently.  We all have our strengths and weaknesses, he knows them because he gave them to us and he knows how we will handle them.  1 Corinthians 10:13 says God will not give us more than what we can bear, but boy does he push it to the limit!

Every time something new and exciting happens in my life, the first thing I do is worry, and question everything.  I know that is common for most when something new is happening and it is normal, but sometimes it takes me to those places in my past that if I dwell on them, will do nothing but cause me grief.

I would hope after all these years that I am stronger than those past hurts, but in certain circumstances, there they are again.  I will do everything in my power not to let them have any factors on my future, and because I can see that they are happening I am confident that I will beat them.

Recently I was at an appointment with my mom, she was having her blood pressure checked and the nurse taking it said “you should check it first thing in the morning, because after that life happens”.  That was one of the most profound statements I had heard in a while it opened up my mind that on a daily basis we may not expect what transpires, we may not have ever dreamed certain things will happen, but one thing is for sure that “something” will happen during the course of our days.life happens

That “something” can be good, or it may be bad and learning how to adjust to it when it happens is what is key. I am not afraid to admit that I have not perfected this just yet.  God and a few close friends right now know that I am still learning.  I will not limit my future based on my past, and I hope that those reading this will do the same.

Have you had a “life happens” moment where you needed to stop, breathe, think and then react in order to go into your future?  Please comment.

Kimberly

Courageous Butterfly 3/8/16

Related Topics/Posts

Limitless, Colton Dixon

Warrior, Demi Lovato

Healing Past Hurts

Letting God’s Love Overcome Your Past Hurt

6 Things That Keep You From Moving On After Divorce