Tag: moving forward

Sometimes Broken Can Be Beautiful!

Published on by Kimberly Novak5 Comments

When I awoke this morning I was very happy to see the blue skies and sun shining down on me.  I am away for spring break and today’s plans were to head to Gem Beach for some fun in the sun.  We headed out on our journey equipped with a map, towels for sitting in the sand and a fishing pole.  Now I will admit I’m not much of a map reader but I thought between the three young people walking with me one of us would be able to figure it out.  Needless to say the 10 minute walk to the lake ended up to be an hour do to a slightly wrong turn.  Upon our arrival we were a little bit moody and the beach was not what we had expected to find, yet I was determined to make the best of it and sure enough we did!

When we started heading to the water we noticed what we were standing on were piles of crushed sea shells, stacked one on top the other.  I felt so sad because most of them were broken and smashed but when I looked closer I noticed just how beautiful the broken shells were.  I looked out into the distance and saw how pretty the mounds of shells looked up against the water.  Then I got closer, I laid down my towel and sat down upon a mound and started to spread them around.  I was amazed at what I was finding and before long we were all sitting on a mound of broken shells resurrecting the ones that had survived their battle.

It was very peaceful listening to the water and digging through the shells and I took the opportunity for reflection.  I looked at my own life and how broken it had become during the last couple of years and how I at times I had felt just like the shells, broken and set aside.  I had been feeling this way a lot lately as I had recently become aware of the fact that my ex was moving on with his life with a pretty major event.

I will admit it’s been very difficult to process not because I want that relationship with him again but because it happened so soon after our divorce.  I have been letting my heart take the brunt of these emotions because that’s where the pain was coming from.  I felt like the marriage I shared with him must not have meant that much if he could move on so quickly.  In my mind my life with him was like these broken shells; set aside and left alone.

So today when I sat down to sort through the broken shells admiring their beauty I came across a few gems!   (Now I know why they call it Gem Beach).  We actually found a shell that resembles a butterfly and it wasn’t the only one.  I also found a fully enclosed shell that if opened would be just like the butterfly one.  I began to realize that just because something is broken does not mean that it has to be set aside.  I also found many broken shells that were still very beautiful and had some life left in them which is exactly how I felt when we got the call that my ex had made his “moving on” official, just moments after finding the butterfly shell.

Initially I thought I’d get sick to my stomach, but I didn’t.  Maybe it was because I was in a beautiful setting, maybe it was the sound of the water, or maybe it was knowing deep down that yes I have been broken but I do still have life left in me.  I am making the right choices in not letting what happened to me break me.  I have already seen good coming out of the bad and I know that as long as I stay focused on all of the good things that are now in my life, that would not have been there otherwise, I will be able to face anything head on.  I also know that life will bring me many challenges and something may come along and try to break me again, the key is to not live in fear of that.   I was so afraid of this week because I did not know what day I would be receiving the news and I see now that I didn’t have to spend so much of my time holding onto that fear.

I feel very blessed that maybe, just maybe, today I was finally released from the chrysalis I have been living in.  When you see something that you think was destroyed and set aside, do me a favor and take another look at it; you may find something wonderful just as I did today.

Courageous Butterfly

3/20/12

Can you see the beauty hidden within the storm?

Published on by Kimberly NovakLeave a comment

Spring is here and that means scary storms are on the way.  I am not a fan of thunderstorms, in fact they make me very afraid and nervous.  Well this morning as I drove to work there were thunderous clouds all around me complete with a very large bolt of lighting in the direction of where I was heading.  I clenched the steering wheel at first but then when I looked up the clouds were actually beautiful,   the sky was a different color in every direction.  Looking out at the scary but beautiful sky I thought, ” is it possible for us to see the beauty hidden within our own storms”?  When we are going through something difficult in our lives we usually don’t take the time to stop and see the good that is coming from that struggle or the good that will eventually develop because of the struggle itself.

Take the butterfly for instance, (Yes I know obsessed).  The caterpillar has no idea the beauty that is going to come from her struggle.  She enter’s the cocoon as a furry little caterpillar, goes through her struggle to transform, and emerges a BEAUTIFUL butterfly.  Try to remember the caterpillar when your facing your difficult struggle.  It can be anything from a job loss, divorce, or death of a loved one.  If you stay strong  and not let it defeat you, you too can get to the point where you see the beauty that emerges because of  it.

During my divorce when I’d get to a very low point people would say “look at the positive side”, well at the time I could not see it.   I struggled to find the positive in the fact that my marriage was ending, I was moving out of my family’s home, and beginning a journey of living apart from my kids.  I assumed I’d be stuck in those moment’s from now on.  I thought I would spend a while dwelling on the negative outcomes that my divorced produced, never imagining that those outcomes would become positive and that I would be able to find beauty within them.

At this point I am able to be comfortable in saying that yes I went through a difficult event,  and it was a horrible thing to go through but I can’t change it, I can only change how I am affected by it.   The changes I had to make during the past year have given me the chance to really get to know myself just as “me”.    I was afraid about all of the extra time I was going to have to myself but the beauty in that is I’ve had time to reflect on where I was, where I am now and where I am heading.  I’ve learned a lot about myself that never would have surfaced had I not gone through what I went through.  I will admit I still have days where I struggle so I take one day at a time and do my best to look for the positive that will come from that bad day.

Now that I can see the beauty that is beginning to emerge from my storm, I know that anything bad I may have to go through will only be a struggle for a little while as long as I allow myself to move towards finding the beauty and not stay and dwell on the black clouds.  The next time you see a storm take a moment to really look and see if you are able to find the beauty that is hidden within it, if you can, then you will also be able to find the beauty that will come out of your life storm just like I am now.

Courageous Butterfly

3/15/12

Whoever you are or whatever you love, you can connect with someone.

Published on by Kimberly NovakLeave a comment

I was hoping to get some responses to the you pick my next blog post however you are all being very quiet and keeping to yourself so I had to come up with one on my own.  While watching an episode of House tonight I was inspired.  The woman he was trying to diagnose had a blog and she was dying and wanted to rely on the comments on her blog to make her medical decisions.  Her spouse was trying to  make her see her obsession with the internet and was telling her his views of why she had the blog in the first place.  His line was “whoever you are or whatever you love,  you can connect with someone”.

That line reminded me of WHY I have this blog.  Yes it’s a good tool for venting out my frustrations about what I went through but it is so much more than that.  I want to connect with other’s who are suffering as I am from ANY loss.  I want to share my experience in the hopes that I will be able to help another person cope with the difficulties they are facing.

All life changing events are hard especially those that you have not planned for.  My divorce was something I never dreamed would have happened but because of what I went through I am now able to connect with other’s facing a major life change.   God give’s you lemons you make lemonade, and that is what I am trying to do.

It’s been only a year and three months since my divorce was final and I know I am nowhere near being a completely healed person and I”m not afraid to admit that.  What I do know is that no matter how hard that life transition was or how badly I did not want to see it happen, it did and it has forever changed me.  Most importantly it has connected me with you.

I hope what ever life change you are facing you can see the positive and know that whoever you are or whatever you love, you can connect with someone.

Courageous Butterfly

3/13/12