Tag: comforting

Its The Little Things

Published on by Kimberly Novak2 Comments

little thingsWe all know how to take things for granted in life, some better than other’s and I”ll admit that I have done it as well.  Recently I have noticed that I am missing some of the little things of my marriage.  A morning smile, sharing a cup of coffee, or just a simple hug before beginning my day.  I was really in a funk wishing I had someone to share all those things with, but upon about five minutes of reflecting on my past I can honestly say that I don’t think I ever had many of the little things while in my marriage.

So if I didn’t have them then, why am I missing them so much now?  How do I know what it is I’m missing?  A wonderful roommate was graciously dropped into my home and in spending time with her day in and day out is when I noticed that I really enjoyed sharing those little things with another person.  I like having conversation in the morning over a cup of coffee.  Having an actual conversation with someone while preparing dinner who is over the age of 14 is fantastic!

It’s given me a chance to really think about some of the other little things I may want to share with someone down the road, and it’s showed me how important they are.  Just because they are called “the little things” does not mean that they should not carry as much importance as some of the “bigger things”.

When I look back now I wish we would have shared more of those tiny moments because they would have been more meaningful than the times that we thought were more important.

Going back is not an option so for me; all I can do is take note of how I’m feeling about those little things, and make sure I am aware of just how important they are to me.  This way I am assured of making them meaningful in any future relationships.  My little things will actually be the biggest part of any new relationship.  I will make sure that they are known and that whoever I am with is ready and willing to share them with me.  Enjoy the Little Things

I”m making my list and I”m checking it three times, twice is not enough.  I am keeping track of when I notice that little something missing from my life and I will move it to the top of the list.  This way nothing get’s forgotten, nothing will be overlooked, and I will have all that to look forward to when getting to know that special person.

Is any one else out there keeping a list of those little but important things that are missing from your life?  Please respond in the comments.

Kimberly

Courageous Butterfly

3/16/14

Related Blogs/Links

Keep Holding On, Avril Lavene

Little Things, Bruised Reed Blessed

Self-Actualization at 23, M.D.

 

 

Emotional Glacier

Published on by Kimberly Novak8 Comments

small-iceberg-wFrozen:  It’s the beginning of March and we are still being gifted by mother nature with ice and snow.

Frozen: The Oscar nominated song Let It Go, in 2014, a hit for little girls everywhere.

Frozen:  The Disney Movie which defines Love as: “Love,” the character states, “is putting someone else’s needs before your own.” The definition is not only key to the story’s surprising climax, but also biblically solid. For the Scriptures tell us, “Greater love has no one than this: than he lay down his life for his friends” (John 15:13).

Frozen: Webster defines it as, frigid, very cold, obstructed by ice.

It’s amazing how one word can have so many different meanings.  So why am I stuck on this very cold, sometimes debilitating word?  Because in the last few years I have had many circumstances where I felt, or wanted to be frozen.  There were times during my trial when something would happen and the result would cause me to feel trapped and out of control of my circumstances.  In those moments I was literally frozen, in that I was not able to do anything to change the outcome.  I was physically and emotionally frozen.

Lately, I feel like I am stuck, I”m sitting on a very large piece of ice in the middle of nowhere, an emotional glacier.  It’s strange because for a while now I have not had any issues with releasing my feelings but for some reason I find myself wanting to hold things in again.  We all know that holding in feelings is never a good idea and that came to pass for me last week.  Now that I can see it though I am committed to working through whatever it is that I am holding on to.  From the lips of a very dear woman “It’s OK to not be OK”.

The last few days I have been trying to figure out what it is that has me trapped on this current glacier.  Other than the obvious, there is an anniversary (not mine) that does seem to be at the forefront of my mind.  It’s something that  I knew I would never be “OK” with, but something I thought I had moved past.  Divorce is truly the death of a relationship and unfortunately for me, I am still in mourning.

 

I know I have made a lot of progress in my healing but then I have these surprises creep up on me and throw me right back onto that glacier where I have an emotional explosion!  The hard part is not to feel like I’m right back at the beginning.  I need to put all those other explosions behind me and just focus on the one that has me on this current block of ice.  Also hard, is to let it all out; finding someone to confide in and tell all of this too.  I have been through three counselors since my divorce; they keep leaving, maybe I need to look into that! (ha ha)  Most importantly though is recognizing when you are feeling isolated on the glacier before it’s too late and you are piled up high one on top the other before the damn breaks.  let it go

In the words of Disney’s Frozen….LET IT GO!  Let it all in and then let it all out.  We have to remember that tears are healing and it’s OK.  Keeping in mind also not to be angry with yourself when you get to these moments.  My first reaction was how angry I was at  because I am still holding on to some of these issues, but then I realized its because I haven’t let them go from my heart.  They are still there because they still cause hurt, and I need to face them in order to release them.

I have been living in the biggest storm of my life, there may be nothing harder than this.  It is going to take time, patience, understanding, love, faith, and hope to guide me towards being healed.  I have no idea how long it will take, or if I ever will be completely over everything that I went through.  For now I know that it’s OK for me not to be OK, and I need to let other’s around me know when I am feeling that way.  It’s not healthy to be alone on that block of ice, the more people I let in and the more I talk about it, the quicker that ice will melt and I will be free of it.   I have to admit when I first pictured myself sitting on a glacier and it was melting away, I felt panic!  What if I”m not ready?  What if it melts and I drown?  Well, the people around, us, those helping us, will be our life jackets.  They will make sure that we are safe to swim and they will lead us safely to the shore.

Do you feel trapped on your own emotional glacier?  Respond in the comments.

Kimberly

Courageous Butterfly

3/2/14

Related topics/blogs

Let It Go, Frozen

Dream Glacier, Tony Crisp

Let It Go, momofthreelivinginbfe

Seeing Emotions, Enchanted Heart

 

Broken Pieces…..

Published on by Kimberly Novak6 Comments

broken puzzle…..or are they merely the beginning of something new?  We have all purchased a puzzle before, it comes in a box all sealed up never before seen.  Sometimes the pieces are safely inside a plastic bag and other times they are just right inside the box.  It’s exciting to begin to put the pieces together and start to see the image on the cover of the box appear before us.  I don’t know about you, but I cannot put any puzzle together without first looking at the image so I know where the pieces go and what it is supposed to look like when I’m finished.  Puzzle pieces are fun, colorful, and exciting; so why is that when we are falling apart it is called “falling to pieces”?

When I hear the word pieces I think of puzzles first, then pie!!! either of which are happy things.  I never understood why the term “falling to pieces” is compared to falling apart.  Pieces are things that are being put together, not to be left alone.  So technically if we “fall to pieces” we are simply setting ourselves up for a new beginning.  We are putting the plan into motion for someone to put our pieces back and make us whole again.

I’d like for a minute to imagine a world where when we are born a puzzle is created in the image of our future.  On our 18th birthday that puzzle shows up gift wrapped on our doorstep, however there is no image attached to the box.  It is up to us to know where to put each piece exactly where it goes.  I suddenly feel frustrated and anxious.  We don’t know where our pieces will fit, in fact most of us spend a lot of time trying to force pieces in where they don’t belong.  I have done that on several occasions before and since my divorce.

We get so excited thinking…This is it, I just know it’s going to fit….then when we try to put the piece in that spot, it’s not quite right.  No matter how much we bend, squeeze, or press that piece if it is not an exact fit, they will not go together.  That’s when we get frustrated, because we thought for sure that piece went there.  Is any of this sounding familiar yet if we put it into life’s scenarios?

There have been countless times since my divorce where I have tried to force pieces in where they didn’t fit, and it doesn’t work.  Life cannot be like a puzzle, because it changes over and over again.  When a puzzle is created it is made to stay the same, the pieces fit because they were cut that way, it was created specifically for one image.  Life, was not.  Life is meant to be a series of different landscapes.  Sometimes our life puzzle will be pretty, other times it may rain and even storm.

There will always be those times when we do not want to put our puzzle together because we are afraid of what it is going to look like and those are the life landscapes that we try to change or hide from, thus altering the pieces.  What we don’t realize is that we should not really try to alter those pieces, but instead put them in their place and experience what ever it is that we are meant to experience at that time in our lives.  God created our puzzle, he knows where our pieces go and he may have thrown in a few confusing one’s to help us to grow.

I have a few pieces that I would like to toss out of my puzzle, but then what would happen to my life image?  We are who we are because of what we have or are going through.  Without those horrible pieces of my life puzzle, I would not be right where I am today, which is where I am supposed to be.  If I had tossed those pieces and not lived those moments of my life,  I have a feeling my puzzle would never begin to take shape.life is a puzzle

So, when we are faced with loss, fear, sadness, and despair how do we continue to put our puzzles together?  We simply live life.  We take on each challenge along with any failure that comes with it and we embrace it.  We grab that puzzle piece hold it high and scream “ONE DAY MY PIECES WILL FIT”.

Try not to fit pieces of your puzzle into your life if they truly do not belong there.  Hold onto those pieces that fit right off the bat and enjoy putting your life puzzle together.

Have you been trying to force pieces to fit in your life? please share…

Kimberly

Courageous Butterfly

Related blogs/links

Pieces, Meridith Andrews