Tag: butterfly

What If?

Published on by Kimberly Novak2 Comments

A lot of times when we go through change or a hard time in our lives we sometimes wonder “what if”?  Just last week a face book friend posed the question “if you could go back and change something what would it be?”  I honestly said nothing!  Even though times have been hard recently and there are some things I have gone through that I wish I hadn’t, those things have made me who I am today.   I’m a firm believer of everything happens for a reason but when you are in the thick of things those reasons are sometimes hard to see.  My reasons are my kids I could not imagine life without them and I know that they are here because of the decisions I have made in my life and I would not change a thing.  I know I’m not alone in feeling that way, most of us who have been through a life changing event can say exactly what the reason is, but deep down we will all wonder…what if?

My “what if'” thoughts lately have been:  What if I had found out about things sooner?  I wonder what life would have been like being single several years ago.   Where would I be? What would I be? Who would I know?   There is a lot that has happened over the past two weeks that I never imagined would’ve taken place in my life but it did and I have to face it.  Sometimes “facing it” is the hard part.  I’m seeing that now.  I had been able to “face” the divorce, the move, the job, the new surroundings but for some reason “facing” the event of my ex making his new life official has been really hard on me.

I’ve been on a roller coaster of sorts lately with my emotions which is not like me.   Usually I can find where I’m at and move past it, but for some reason this “event” has a hold on me.  Our relationship ended with our divorce but I fee like I’m going through it all over again.  I have to admit  that sucks!  Going through it once was enough but having these emotions again has forced me to really stop and think about things.  Am I where I want to be? Am I what I want to be?  Do I know who I want to know?

My answer is YES.  I know I will continue to have moments of sadness and will most likely shed many more tears but even so I am right where I am supposed to be.  I love my job, I love my relationship with my kids, I love where I am living, and I love the people who have entered my life because of what I went through.  Would I have chosen the bad things to have happened in my life?  No, but I would not go back and change any of it because without all of the negative I would not have the positive that I have today.

We will always wonder “what If” but what matters most is “what Is”

Kimberly

Courageous Butterfly

4/1/12

Can you see the beauty hidden within the storm?

Published on by Kimberly NovakLeave a comment

Spring is here and that means scary storms are on the way.  I am not a fan of thunderstorms, in fact they make me very afraid and nervous.  Well this morning as I drove to work there were thunderous clouds all around me complete with a very large bolt of lighting in the direction of where I was heading.  I clenched the steering wheel at first but then when I looked up the clouds were actually beautiful,   the sky was a different color in every direction.  Looking out at the scary but beautiful sky I thought, ” is it possible for us to see the beauty hidden within our own storms”?  When we are going through something difficult in our lives we usually don’t take the time to stop and see the good that is coming from that struggle or the good that will eventually develop because of the struggle itself.

Take the butterfly for instance, (Yes I know obsessed).  The caterpillar has no idea the beauty that is going to come from her struggle.  She enter’s the cocoon as a furry little caterpillar, goes through her struggle to transform, and emerges a BEAUTIFUL butterfly.  Try to remember the caterpillar when your facing your difficult struggle.  It can be anything from a job loss, divorce, or death of a loved one.  If you stay strong  and not let it defeat you, you too can get to the point where you see the beauty that emerges because of  it.

During my divorce when I’d get to a very low point people would say “look at the positive side”, well at the time I could not see it.   I struggled to find the positive in the fact that my marriage was ending, I was moving out of my family’s home, and beginning a journey of living apart from my kids.  I assumed I’d be stuck in those moment’s from now on.  I thought I would spend a while dwelling on the negative outcomes that my divorced produced, never imagining that those outcomes would become positive and that I would be able to find beauty within them.

At this point I am able to be comfortable in saying that yes I went through a difficult event,  and it was a horrible thing to go through but I can’t change it, I can only change how I am affected by it.   The changes I had to make during the past year have given me the chance to really get to know myself just as “me”.    I was afraid about all of the extra time I was going to have to myself but the beauty in that is I’ve had time to reflect on where I was, where I am now and where I am heading.  I’ve learned a lot about myself that never would have surfaced had I not gone through what I went through.  I will admit I still have days where I struggle so I take one day at a time and do my best to look for the positive that will come from that bad day.

Now that I can see the beauty that is beginning to emerge from my storm, I know that anything bad I may have to go through will only be a struggle for a little while as long as I allow myself to move towards finding the beauty and not stay and dwell on the black clouds.  The next time you see a storm take a moment to really look and see if you are able to find the beauty that is hidden within it, if you can, then you will also be able to find the beauty that will come out of your life storm just like I am now.

Courageous Butterfly

3/15/12

Whoever you are or whatever you love, you can connect with someone.

Published on by Kimberly NovakLeave a comment

I was hoping to get some responses to the you pick my next blog post however you are all being very quiet and keeping to yourself so I had to come up with one on my own.  While watching an episode of House tonight I was inspired.  The woman he was trying to diagnose had a blog and she was dying and wanted to rely on the comments on her blog to make her medical decisions.  Her spouse was trying to  make her see her obsession with the internet and was telling her his views of why she had the blog in the first place.  His line was “whoever you are or whatever you love,  you can connect with someone”.

That line reminded me of WHY I have this blog.  Yes it’s a good tool for venting out my frustrations about what I went through but it is so much more than that.  I want to connect with other’s who are suffering as I am from ANY loss.  I want to share my experience in the hopes that I will be able to help another person cope with the difficulties they are facing.

All life changing events are hard especially those that you have not planned for.  My divorce was something I never dreamed would have happened but because of what I went through I am now able to connect with other’s facing a major life change.   God give’s you lemons you make lemonade, and that is what I am trying to do.

It’s been only a year and three months since my divorce was final and I know I am nowhere near being a completely healed person and I”m not afraid to admit that.  What I do know is that no matter how hard that life transition was or how badly I did not want to see it happen, it did and it has forever changed me.  Most importantly it has connected me with you.

I hope what ever life change you are facing you can see the positive and know that whoever you are or whatever you love, you can connect with someone.

Courageous Butterfly

3/13/12