Ok, here goes nothing! Those were my thoughts this afternoon as she headed to my way. At first I thought I was dreaming.
Sitting in my car in the driveway of what was once my marital home to pick up the kids and I saw her through the window. I froze at first not sure how to handle this. The last time we said one word to each other it was….well, actually it was very civilized. But that’s a story for my next book. Anyway, there I was not knowing what I should do and the little voice inside me said, “Kimberly, open the window and keep your hands safely on the wheel, make sure your foot is off the gas and the car is in park”. Any unintentional accident needed to be avoided.
She had a reasonable question concerning one of my kids . I knew I had to answer, I took in a breath and answered as cool and calmly as I could making sure I had a nice friendly smile on my face. I was having an exceptionally good hair day, was dressed for a family party so I think I was looking pretty darn good. With a small but noticeable flip of my freshly styled summer blonde hair I gave her the answer she was looking for. We continued to chat as if we were the best of friends, (not really but a stranger would not have known any different) and I’m sure her stomach was churning just as much as mine was.
While departing the driveway I had a feeling of liberation. It was like in that short maybe three-minute conversation something in me changed. I had survived that meeting and very glad that I had been seated safely in my car, because if I had been standing and actually felt my quivering legs it would have been a totally different experience.
What I have learned from today is that maybe I am actually healing as far as my feelings for her are concerned. Three years ago I would not have been able to look her in the eyes and carry on a polite conversation. Today I over came that! I faced my fear took off the gloves that were holding on to the uncertainty, pain, and bitterness and in that moment I set them aside. Will they always be off? Well only time will tell I suppose.
I drove off with all my kids in tow with a feeling of happiness that has been a long time coming. I felt as if I had just climbed the highest mountain, stuck my flag in the ground, held my arms up to the sky and smiled in the sunlight.
What I want to share with you through all of this is that healing can occur when you LEAST expect it. And my friends, for me that experience was amazing! Keep your eyes and ears open for your moment, don’t worry about when it will happen or if it will happen, like I said this one came out of nowhere for me. Just try not to run from it. Suppress the initial flight reaction. (I wont’ lie it was there for me but I’m no race car driver, so burning rubber out of the driveway would have been way too obvious.) Take control of the moment when you are facing it and enjoy its reward!
Has anyone else experienced a liberating healing moment? Please share.
Kimberly
Courageous Butterfly
7/6/14
Out of the Chrysalis 
I so wish I could share a wonderful story like yours on moving on.
Instead – I only have memories of the first time after divorce court – an encounter with my X at my Grandson’s 1st Birthday party.
I had encouraged my Daughter to invite her father to the party. At first she planned to not invite him. Figuring it would be too disruptive to have him there for the family party. My Son-in-laws family remains very angry with him.
I spoke with many of my Son-in-laws family about being cordial towards him – not ruining the party.
During the party my Daughter came up to me – thanking me for treating him so well – asking me how I was doing.
As the party was winding down – across the yard my X yells – “Phyllis – what did you do with my childhood rocking chair?”
The reason he asked me this was because I was the one left to deal with cleaning out his parents home after the death of his mother. I called him to ask about everything I thought he might want – even things I didn’t think he would want – bringing to “our house” all items he said he wanted. I do not recall exactly the child’s rocking chair – but I know I would have asked him about it.
I walked across to where he was sitting to respond to his question – not wanting to yell across the yard. I responded calmly that I didn’t recall exactly – but I was quite sure I had asked him about whether or not he wanted it.
This exchange brought up old hurts – hurts about how much I had handled over our 40 years of marriage with little or no thank you – often criticism about not doing something “right”.
For weeks after I continued to be upset about this interaction. You can probably tell that it still is upsetting to me – and my Grandson is about to turn 2.
I hope someday to be able to get to a point of being able to ignore these thoughtless interactions on his part. But until I feel I am prepared to do so – I will no longer encourage my Daughter to include him in celebrations that I attend. If he is invited to the 2nd birthday party – I will politely decline to attend – instead celebrating with my Grandson at another time.
I cannot be around that man at this time in my life. I have accepted that as reality and will wait until I feel I am ready.
Waiting to get to where you are Kimberly. Hoping it happens soon!
Blessings,
Phyllis
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Phyllis, you are overlooking most important part of your story…..you walked over and responded to his question!!! You didn’t crumble or make a scene. You should be proud of yourself!
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Kimberly,
Handled the situation well at the time.
Not so much since then.
Blessings,
Phyllis
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