The past two days for me have been a literal whirlwind due to vertigo setting in. Aside from the dizziness, nausea, and killer headaches, I had a sense that I have had these feelings before, and I don’t mean the last time I had a vertigo episode. So this morning I carefully leapt to my computer and googled the definition of vertigo and this is what Webster says: a sensation of whirling and loss of balance, associated particularly with looking down from a great height, or caused by disease affecting the inner ear or the vestibular nerve; giddiness.
Holy Hell, this definition almost describes my life during the divorce to a tee! There were times I had the sensation of whirling and loss of balance on a daily basis. Living in the same house together for those nearly two years was pretty stressful. I remember waking up feeling that my life was spinning out of control and I couldn’t do anything about it. The days that I sat by the phone waiting for updates from the lawyer and those times dreading going to talk it all out with the counselor was enough to make anything spin. Balanced, I certainly was not. Instead I was a mess of a woman, trying to function as best I could at motherhood and to a small degree, keeping my sanity. Yesterday, feeling the way I did with the vertigo reminded me of that time in my life. The nausea sent some kind of signal to my brain saying “hey! we have done this before”.
As far as the looking down from a great height goes I can attribute that to wanting to be at the top of my game. I wanted so badly to be able to climb to great heights with my new job, with attempting to start a new life and most of all with showing my kids that we would all come out of this ok. I’ve posted about emotional memory as well as a post on how stress can make you sick, and with this latest bout I can honestly say that the feelings of this illness are exactly as those I had during my divorce.
I don’t know if stress can cause the later part of the definition affecting the ear but it can certainly cause giddiness! There were countless times I used humor to get me through my days and nights. I would often make fun of responses I had to my friends when being asked how I was doing. If I hadn’t kept my humor and enjoyed some giddy moments I feared I would end up in a dark place. Everything is always better with a smile, no matter how bad it is getting.
Here’s how I see it, even though today my vertigo is being caused by a medical condition, I am being treated for, I can certainly attest to the fact that the symptoms can also be achieved or felt by an insane amount of stress in one’s life. Pay attention to what your body is telling you and try not to deny it. I have found it is better to let yourself feel it no matter how much you fear it. If you are under that much stress that it is causing you physical symptoms…talk to someone and treat yourself to one hell of a massage!!! Doctor’s orders.
Have you had an illness that resembled feelings you felt during a stressful time? Please share in the comments.