Strong = secure, well-built, indestructible, well protected, solid, durable, tough, long-lasting, sturdy, tough, rugged, powerful, strapping, muscular…….so why is it that at our weakest moment someone says ” you are strong you can handle this?”
I think that when we are dealing with a struggle, people surrounding us are truly trying their best to pump us up by telling us that we are STRONG, unknowing that what they are doing is potentially knocking us down. It is very hard to train yourself to act or feel strong when you are going through the biggest struggle of your life.
In all reality we want to be seen as strong I know I did. Could I be seen as strong when I first learned of what my future held?; could I be seen as strong when I learned my children would live with their dad?; could I be seen as strong when I moved into the home that housed the mistress?; The answer to all of those questions is absolutely not! So why did so many people continue to tell me how strong I was?
People see what you have survived as kind of like winning a boxing championship title, they then consider you STRONG. Sometimes they don’t realize that even though you have survived it and you are still going about your daily activities, you may still be crumbling inside. They may not know that when the phone rings you cringe thinking it has something to do with him, or that silly piece of mail you get every month reminding you of an oil change has his name on it is sending you into a tail spin. Trying to remain STRONG during all these little trivial things can be a big challenge.
I have recently learned that strength and strong are two very different words. Being strong and having strength can at times be total opposites. Was I strong enough to handle what I was facing? maybe not, but did I have the strength to face it and survive it….hell yes! Learning to tap into my strength reserves took some time and practice, but as of today I am learning how to channel that strength and turn it into being strong. 
We all want to be seen as a trooper and concur anything that is thrown our way, but sometimes we are tossed some curve balls that no one could possibly see coming… that is when we need to tap into our reserves and find our STRENGTH. The power that is within us to sustain anything, to endure anything, to face our biggest fears…when we use that power is when we are ultimately STRONG!
How have you used your strength to become strong? Please respond.
Kimberly
Courageous Butterfly
Related Links/Posts
Out of the Chrysalis 
I understand what you mean, the difference between strength and strong. I tried to act ‘strong’ initially and carry on with a pretense of ‘normal’ (even though there was none of the old ‘normal’ left) as if I would not be beaten. Eventually I gave in and curled into a ball and wallowed. That is when I used my (inner) strength to realise what I still had inside me, I slowly become strong enough to begin making my own choices, to transform, to break free and start flying. The analogy of the butterfly is exactly what I feel is happening to me.
I am sorry to hear that your children are not living with you. That would be a very hard thing to bear. Was this an agreement or something that happened through the courts? I hope that you are able to see them often.
here is to your continued strength and courage 🙂
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Hi Elizabeth, thank you so much for your comment and sharing your inner strength with us! The custody agreement was unfortunately made through the courts however it was the wishes of the children. They are pretty much young men now and as they get older are able to make their own schedules with me. The time we spend together is always quality time and we cherish every moment. It was a very difficult thing for all of us to get used to at first, but as the time is going by we are all using that inner strength you spoke about and are finally strong enough to be accepting of the situation.
Blessings,
Kimberly : )
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I am so happy for you that you have moved past the pain of it all.
I am finding special one-on-one time with each of my children and forming deeper bonds is a gift of the separation. Before it was all family time and much revelry and exciting activities. Now we are able to actually get to know each other.
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Elizabeth. Yes I am just starting to see that with my kids as we all mature. The one on one time is priceless!!
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Kim,
I have a feeling you wrote this because of what I had written about people – including my ex – telling me I was the strongest person they knew – or when I was feeling down about something he had done and made a negative comment about it – I was told – why are you letting something like that bother you – you are stronger than that.
It felt like and still feels like a cop out on their parts – a way so they do not have to feel pain for how I am feeling. For them to more or less say – “you don’t have feelings.”
I guess the next time someone says to me – you are the strongest person I know – or you are stronger than that. I’ll say to them – I may be strong – but I still have feelings and this bothers/hurts me.
At least by verbalizing my feelings – instead of hiding them like I have for so many years – I will hopefully gain the compassion and the “strength” that I need.
Blessings,
Phyllis
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Phyllis, that is a great plan!! Especially since it is coming from your heart. Sometimes it’s hard for those around us to step up to the plate and be strong for in our place so they ask us, the injured, to do it because they think its what we are supposed to do. Sometimes it is a healing moment but only when you are ready not before. Give it time and use that phrase. You will come out of this ok.
And yes you were my muse. Lol.
Hugs, Kimberly
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Not sure if this belongs here or somewhere else. But was doing some writing after my time with my friend.
I tend to do this – sort of like a journal but not really. Anyway – here goes.
So very nice to have my feelings validated spending time with a good friend!
To be told I was NOT crazy!
Probably the best part was feeling it was OK to tell Diane ANYTHING – that she would understand. When she was having an exceptionally difficult time a number of years ago – I included her in a Women’s retreat. She shared some very personal feelings with me at the time – so I knew I could do the same with her.
I have always been so guarded with my feelings. I think that’s why it is so very difficult for those who have known me for years to deal with the feelings I’m experiencing now – especially my children. They do not know how to handle me now that I am not the “Rock” of the family – but instead – am the bowl of jello.
Even though this may turn out to be the best thing to have happened to me – it’s very painful to feel that the person you gave 110% of yourself to – thought so little of you and your feelings.
I know I’m to blame for allowing him to treat me with such contempt throughout our marriage.
The realization that I contributed to his poor treatment of me hasn’t been easy to accept.
I would never treat anyone the way he treated me – so it was difficult for me to know how to react when he “forgot” my birthday – ignored my needs when I was ill – came home from work when I was on bedrest because of bleeding when pregnant with our Daughter and asked – what’s for dinner – didn’t come home from TX when I severely injured my leg – and I NEEDED him to come home to take care of me – being alone and not being able to get around – and all the other times he showed absolutely no concern for my health or emotional needs.
I think I may have finally admitted that he will never be sorry for being unfaithful and dumping me!
That he feels I was somehow to blame – not him.
I don’t think I had ever before actually hit the anger part of the separation and divorce – but him telling me I was “crazy” for being upset that he brought up my taking care of his parents home after his mothers death 12 years after the fact – wanting me to remember what happened to a piece of furniture from there. And his only comment was “You’re crazy!”
Has made me see the LIGHT!
I may have been crazy in the past to put up with his narcissism but I’m done!!
Thanks to my friend Diane who helped me to admit that he was an a$$ and that someday he will answer for his actions – be it here on earth or with God.
Blessings,
Phyllis
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Phyllis, keep journaling it is a great outlet for your anger. Getting it all out will help you as you recover. I’m very proud of you for taking the initiative and going to meet your friend I know that was not easy to do. I’m here for you when ever you need an ear. Keep my email address handy!!!
Hugs, Kimberly
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Thanks for the Pinkback! Your blog is great!!
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